Compassionate souls have a desire to love & care for everybody, especially those who aren't looking after themselves. But these same compassionate souls have hard lesson after hard lesson while they do this, until they learn the difference between enabling & the loving care that actually benefits the recipient. In the 1980's food aid was sent into Africa to help feed those who were struggling to feed themselves. It had an unintended negative consequence. Free food was dropped into communities. These communities were used to growing their own food, but once they had a supply of free food they stopped planting their crops, they stopped tending to the land, they didn't need to anymore, food was being brought to them. So when the free food ran out, they were left in a worse position than before. They had to start again with even less resources than they had before. There are numerous examples that show us that doing things for other people, rather than empowering them to do it for themselves, has disasterous consequences. It's easy to see these things on the bigger scale, for the obvious examples, but what about when we look at the smaller scale, who we are loving & caring for around us? Is it loving & caring to give a man free fish or to teach him to fish for himself? Is it loving & caring to always tie your child's shoelaces or to teach them to do it for themselves? Is it loving & caring to get an addict their drug of choice or to help them to recover from it? Is it loving & caring to clean up someone's mess (house, life, relationships,...) or let them suffer their own consequences? The loving & caring thing is often unclear. We try to help sometimes, but what we are actually doing is enabling others not to learn to care for themselves, we are being codependent. I've been doing what I do professionally for 19 years now & it took me quite a few years more than I'd care to admit to, to realise that I can't help people who don't help themselves. That is: if someone isn't seeking the help & isn't willing to invest in themselves to get that help, then if I try to help it never helps them. Loving & caring for those who don't do love & care for themselves always backfires. The love & care can't be received, they are like endless drains never able to be filled because we cannot be any one else's source. Their source is within themselves, their own connection with the true source. Take a look around you. Who are you loving & caring for? Who drains you? Who uplifts you? Who are you constantly trying to fix because they seem such a mess? The loving & caring thing to do is to allow them to find their own power within them, for them to actually feel the consequences of their not looking after themselves so that they have the motivation to do it for themselves. This often means people have to hit rock bottom before they will bounce back, but we have all been there & bounce back we do! Are there parts of your life where you are not loving & caring for yourself? Because just as we can enable others who aren't caring for themselves, we can also be the ones who aren't loving & caring for ourselves & wanting others to do that for us. It could be your health, or your relationships, or your finances, or addictions,... When you start to love & care for yourself, you open the door to other people who are loving & caring for themselves, who can also love & care for you too, to come in. When loving & caring people love & care for each other it's a win win situation. It uplifts everyone & disempowers no-one. Which brings me to how you can love & care for others & have a positive effect. Loving & caring for those who are loving & caring for themselves. They are taking responsibility. You are taking responsibility. Neither you nor them NEED care from others, but they want it. This care can be received because they are already receiving the care from themselves. The love is uplifting for everyone because it's reciprocated. It's magical. It never depletes. It is the only true giving. It can only be given by those loving & caring for themselves first. I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!
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I used to have no boundaries & very little judgement. I thought that this was a good & spiritual way to be. But it led me into many difficulties in life. Since I figured out the difference between judgment & discernment I've been able to have clear boundaries & have been able to make good choices for myself. I see so many spiritual types with no boundaries, constantly allowing unwanted into their lives because they don't want to be judgmental, & I see what a disempowering effect that has on their lives. You see judgment is a state of being in which you have critical thinking, you are looking for the flaws, what is wrong, it leaves you focused on what you don't like, on the problems to fix,... All of that focus just law of attracts more experiences that you don't like, more people that you don't want to be around, more problems,... Discernment on the other hand is a willingness to make a quick yes or no decision based on whether something or someone is for you or not. It requires that you are in tune with yourself so that you can feel whether something or someone feels good to you or not. Discernment is about deciding for yourself whether something is allowed in your life or not, in that moment when it shows up in your life. When discernment gives you a yes, you focus on that thing that you want, on the positive. When discernment gives you a no, you turn away from it, or them, trusting your choice, so that you can continue to focus on what you want. When you are in judgment & you finally decide on a no, judgment has you continued to focus on what you didn't want. It has you blaming or feeling guilty for that no, it has you feeling shame that you decided to say no, it has you wishing that things were different, that they were different so that it could have been a yes. Judgment is an inability to choose what is best for you. Paradoxically, the very people who try not to judge tend to be the ones who judge the most, because their not wanting to discern what is good for them or not, has a constant stream of unwanted things & people in their lives, & if you surround yourself with the unwanted it is very difficult not to judge it. Discernment can only happen when you KNOW that you deserve & you KNOW that it's ok to choose what's best for you in every moment. As you say YES to the wanted & can focus on that good stuff you get more of that. As you say NO to the unwanted & quickly shift your focus from it with no inner repercussions, your life will be an upward spiral of awesomeness. I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! It was a celebration, smoke filled the room, everyone was drunk, apart from me, I was a small child. My uncle was blowing smoke rings & I was catching them by poking my finger through them "I'll blow smoke rings when I'm a grown up, this is fun!" The adults had stopped making fun of my shyness, they'd stopped laughing at my body, they'd stopped trying to get me to admit that I fancied my cousin, I didn't even know what that meant anyway. The ordeal upstairs had also stopped. I had been molested by the boys, each taking turns to get into bed with me to touch me. My brother being both the ringleader & the first. This was not a safe situation. I was not cared for. This was an abusive situation, the only reality that I knew. Once I was old enough to take care of myself I removed myself from this abuse, or so I had thought. The truth was I was taking care of myself to the almost the same low levels. At age 47 I was still around alcoholics, I was still being made fun of, I was still being yelled at & put down by people who were pretending to love me, I was still around people who made me feel unsafe, I was still in that smoky atmosphere pretending that I was having fun. It was a shock to wake up to the fact that I was neglecting myself, that I wasn't caring for myself, that I wasn't protecting myself, that I wasn't choosing good situations for myself, still. So I took action, I removed myself from the toxicity. I started to take good care of myself, to be the parent for myself that I wish I had had. The ways in which I find easy to take care of myself, my diet, exercise, they were all ways in which I was taken care of as a child. That has come "naturally" to me as a result of my childhood programming. It's the destructive programming that has to go. Deciding on new boundaries & taking action on them, stepping away from what is not good for me is where I am at. The void. I know that the next step will come naturally when I am ready, when I am re-programmed, the stepping toward what IS good for me. Everyday I'm meditating, I'm exercising, I'm eating healthily, I'm working, I'm reading, I'm going to bed early. I'm focused on the basics, the foundations of good self-care, focused on what I can do positively for myself. I'll let you know when the next step comes along. Are you still caring for yourself in the same way, negative & positive, that you were cared for as a child? Do you need to start to take care of yourself better? I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! This is what my life looks like at this moment in time: I live on a tropical island, I have a business that sustains me that I work on about 2 hours a day about 4 days a week but really that is just a guess because really whenever I want to or feel like working I do, I do only what I love to do helping other people, I have complete creative freedom in my work, I meditate about 3 hours a day, I live in a resort, I have someone else clean my room, do my laundry & cook my food. I walk on the beach, I ride my bicycle around the island, I go to the gym, I swim, I relax at the pool, I learn Thai, I train in Muay Thai, I listen to uplifting podcasts, I eat fresh healthy food, I am the fittest & strongest I have ever been at age 47, I even have abs that show for the first time in my life, I am the least anxious I have ever been, I am clean & sober. I do whatever I feel like every single day of my life. The question people most often ask me is, what is my secret? Firstly, I do not keep any secrets, sharing how I do it is literally the ONLY thing I do, it is the only thing that I have been doing for many years now, in my blogs & in my services. Secondly, there is no silver bullet, there is no magic potion, there is no secret elixir, there is no one thing to focus on, there is no easy route, there is no one little thing that you can do that will suddenly turn your life around. What it takes to live a life beyond your wildest dreams is a constant combination of many things. We are whole beings, we are not just minds, not just bodies, not just spirits, not just emotions, not just anything, we are whole, we encompass many things. We are also not seperate, we are connected to everyone & everything. So what's my secret? How do I get to live this amazing life of ease & plenty? How do I manifest so easily? How do I experience health & fitness beyond most people who are half my age? How do I look so young & vibrant? How did I create my business? How is my life seemingly one adventure after another? How did I do any of it? The answer to all of the questions is the same: I followed my guidance. That's the short answer. The long answer is, a constant combination of the following things: Mindset Positivity Appreciation Feeling my emotions Strong boundaries Self-care Clean diet that suits my body Exercise Belief in myself Belief in unlimited possibilities Daily meditation Daily connecting with my higher self Facing & processing internally challenges that show up in my external life Ownership of everything that manifests in my life Truthfully feeling emotions & using them as guidance for what & who to allow in my life Dreaming big Focusing on creating what hasn't been created before Focusing on what I want Relaxation Putting myself first Self-compassion especially when feeling a range of emotions Self-healing of past trauma when it comes up Saying no to what feels bad Saying yes to what feels good Knowing the difference between fearful feeling bad & truthful feeling bad Constantly evolving beyond my current reality Asking the universe for what I want to experience Being self-aware Being aware of what is showing up for me Being aware of what is showing up in me Knowing my true self more & letting go of any false self I've picked up along the way Set goals every day & reaching for them beyond my comfort zones The popular things that I don't do are: Religion Watch the news Involve myself in other's negative realities Take on other people's fear for me Waste my time being entertained by the television Take on anyone else's limited beliefs about what is possible for me, at my age, etc. Take pharmaceuticals Eat junk/processed food Self-medicate with alcohol or drugs (this is a recent thing for me) Continue to be around energy draining people Seriously that's all I can think of right now & I have probably left plenty out that I do & don't do, but I do these things every day, I am focused on self-awareness every single day of my life, I don't take a day off from it. I take a day off from work, from exercise, from doing, if my guidance (body, mind, soul) tells me to, but that IS self-awareness. I could call it reaching for balance, but it isn't. Balance was my excuse for doing the things that didn't uplift me, that didn't help me, that didn't serve me, like drinking alcohol, eating junk food, laziness,... My guidance sorts out the balance that is required & sometimes it seems very imbalanced, so sometimes I can spend a whole week focused on my emotional wellbeing, or on my business, or on my body, or on a specific life challenge, or focusing on relationships for weeks on end, but it always seems to be what is required to take myself to the next level. It's for this reason that I only work with people 1:1 now. Sure I had programs previously based on common guidance that was given to many people, but what I have found both in myself & in guiding others for many years is that all guidance is individual & in the moment now. The guidance that might "balance" someone up right now, or take them to the next level in this moment, is the very same guidance that could take another out of balance or give them further blocks to what they really want. The guidance that might release your blocks right now is not the same guidance that will take even YOU to the next level in a few months time. It's for this reason that you should always take what resonates with you & reject what doesn't feel right for you. It's for this reason that there is no silver bullet, no magic potion, no secret elixir, no easy route, your path is your path & only you can take it. Sure you can get help & support along the way, but it is all inside of you. You had the power all along my dear. I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! In my many years of giving psychic readings, helping my customers to get aligned with what they want in life & manifest it all, one thing comes up over & over again, that is: asking for the wrong things from the universe in the first place. Mary wants to lose weight, so she has an idea that she might exercise. She asks the universe for more air, she knows when she has more air she will be able to exercise. She writes it down in her journal, more air please universe! She affirms it "I have more air!" She tries to find out why she hasn't got more air, she tries to heal it in herself,... She never gets more air. OK, this is a silly example, but it's what people do, over & over again. Everyone knows that you just start exercising & then your body naturally starts to breathe harder & faster, the air is already present in whatever quantity you need. So if Mary had just asked for what she actually wanted, to be slim, then started to exercise, because she had already had the guidance to do that to get to where she wanted to be, she would have naturally attracted more air into her lungs. It was always there available for her, she just needed to do it. Of course people rarely ask for more air, it's usually money that they ask for, thinking that they can only start to ask for what they really want with that money once they have that money, so that they can fulfil their desires themselves & not rely on that pesky universe that demands alignment with what they are asking for! Can you see the problem here? Abundance of anything, air, money, friends, opportunities, apples, yellow butterflies, smiles, customers, ideas, words, thoughts, anything, is ALWAYS available to EVERYBODY. You just have to ask for what you actually want the money FOR & go for that, just start doing it! You just have to ask for what you actually want those friends FOR & just start doing that! You just have to ask for what you want those opportunities FOR & do that! You just have to ask for what you want those apples for & go pick them! You get the picture. Another way that people ask for the wrong thing is that they ask for what they don't want anymore. For example, they might ask for their anxiety to go away, or they might ask for their illness to go away, or they might ask for their depression to be healed. On that face of it this seems like an aware ask, but it won't work. Why do you want your anxiety to go away? What is it that you want a good mental state for? What would you do with that? What is it that you REALLY want? Ask for that! Why do you want your illness to go away? What is it that you want with health & wellbeing? What would you do with that? What is it that you REALLY want? Ask for that! Why do you want your depression to be healed? What is it that you want with a good emotional state? What would you do with that? What is it that you REALLY want? Ask for that! Dream bigger, go deeper, what is it that YOU really want? Share it in the comments below I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! |
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