 (I tried to find a picture of anger but only found pictures of people raging, which is very different, so here are some calming stones instead.) I used to think that being spiritual meant being nice to everyone. I wish I could say that I soon learned that being nice to everyone doesn't help me or anyone else, but in reality it took me many years of being a doormat & wide open to abuse to finally get the lesson. Anger is a valid emotion. We feel it when we experience something that breaks our rules or values. Anger has a purpose. Anger's purpose is to provoke us to speak our minds to the person who needs to hear what is in our minds. This is what I used to do: Push my anger down, try to stop feeling it, ignore it, be nice to the person involved. You know what this lead to? I continued to be bullied, abused, raped, taken for granted, used like a doormat. That doesn't make me feel very spiritual, don't know about you. It wasn't just my belief that anger was bad & that nice was spiritual that caused me to push that anger down & be a doormat instead, it was FEAR too. Fear of the other person's reaction if I spoke my truth. Suppression of anger in this way leads to RAGE. Now rage is not a good emotion. It is completely different to anger, and so many people are suppressing their anger instead of expressing it anger is often mistaken for rage. Rage is a whole different beast. Rage is often violent. Rage makes you say things hurtful things that you don't mean. Rage makes you kick the dog or someone else who has absolutely nothing to do with the original anger. Rage is the explosion that comes when enough anger has been suppressed instead of expressed. Rage makes you feel terrible afterwards. However, anger actually makes you feel good afterwards. You express it to the person concerned right away attaching the emotion to it. By attaching the emotion to it I mean shout, cry, express the anger as you communicate what it was that broke your rules. When you express yourself clearly in anger, you are heard. Anger needs to be heard & released, otherwise it festers inside & turns into rage at some poor unsuspecting soul. The outcome of expressing your anger can be: 1. Expressing your anger to someone who is not self aware will cause them to react badly to you. If you choose to express your anger to someone like this make sure that you are protected first, make sure that they have no way of getting to you afterward. Surround yourself with self aware people - let the idiots go, they are not your responsibility. 2. Expressing your anger to someone who is self aware & who loves you might cause them to start to make excuses & defend themselves - stop them & tell them that this is about you speaking & them listening, then carry on expressing. This will lead to them thinking about what they have done now that they know just how much it hurts you & changing the behaviour. 3. In the clarity that you achieve once a completely valid emotion has been expressed, you realise that it's your rules that need changing not the other person's behaviour. In my years of being a doormat I tried all kinds of disempowering practices like: Changing my rules & being ok about the rapist!!! Ummm HELLO? Changing my rules & being ok about the abuser!!! WTF? Pushing that anger down, not expressing it, no change happening, still getting hurt over & over then rage coming out when it's time to give the cats their worming tablets - I kid you not! So please spiritual teachers: No more of this anger is bad, anger isn't spiritual, whatever you do don't express it, whatever you do don't send that email, wait until you have suppressed your anger & have a ticking time bomb within BS. PS. Now that I am expressing my anger properly I am no longer a doormat, I can eject idiots out of my life (I was disrespected twice 7 months ago & that person is no longer in my life), I can help the people who I love who I want in my life learn & grow so that they are not hurting me & others anymore, I am much happier, I feel infinitely more empowered & I can calmly give the cats their de-worming tablets. (Bingo & Raffles meow a sigh of relief)  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!
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 Bullying is the lowest form of attempt of self-empowerment. A bully bullies because they feel so insecure & inept in themselves that putting someone else down makes them feel just that little bit better. Dealing with bullies can be challenging, especially when you have had them in your life for a long time. Dealing with bullying from childhood causes us to develop ways of coping, often by ignoring it, letting it wash over us, or some other way of not feeling how the bully is really making you feel. That approach works to protect you as a child but it doesn't alleviate the problem of bullying. So here are my tips of how to deal with bullies in an empowered way. 1. Decide whether you want a relationship with this person or not. An easy way to decide is to ask yourself this question "Do they bring any value into my life?" If your answer is no, then it's ok not to have a relationship with them no matter who they are. If the answer is yes, then you get to decide how much or little of a relationship you want with them. 2. Be clear on your boundaries & express them to the bully. Whether you want a relationship or not with this person, you need to tell them clearly how they make you feel, that you will not tolerate it & what your boundaries are. A bully needs to be dealt with on their level, which is a very low level, so be simple & clear with them. This is no time for being nice, what they are doing is not nice. 3. Expect no apology. Bullies never apologise. Release any expectation of positive response from the bully, they will not give a positive response, ever. Know that they will either back down if you have been successful in expressing yourself clearly & strongly, or they will attempt to continue the bullying if you have not been clear & strong enough to match where they are at in their small minds. 4. Expect it to make you feel angry Anger is the correct emotion to feel about bullying. Whether someone is bullying a child in a playground or a grown man. It is right to feel anger toward these people. Do not feel guilty for that emotion. Accept it for what it is: the emotion that goes with witnessing something hurtful. When you accept that bullying & standing up to bullies will make you feel angry, acknowledging that feeling will dissipate it. This is not a time to be nice, it is a time to stand up for yourself & say no more. 5. Let it go It's good to feel compassion for them inwardly - they must hurt so much they have completely switch off their emotions to be able to do what they do. But they are not your responsibility, you do not owe them anything. Their learning, growing & changing is completely their responsibility, not yours. Whether they learn or grow at all in this lifetime is up to them, not you. Leave them to do that for themselves. An example: An open letter to Eric. Your snooping has made it very easy to get this message to you. Other than reading this: your snooping is not welcome. Cease & desist. Cease the calls, cease the drive by's & cease the snooping around my business. Your being the father of my partner gives you no right to harass or stalk me. Let me make myself clear that I have no relationship with you. The superficial relationship (not even bothering to find out anything about me but guessing some completely fictitious) that we had when I was actively encouraging your son to be in touch with you is no more. It ended when you disrespected me & were rude to me on 2 occasions. I do not tolerate that kind of behaviour from anyone. I don't need to. Contrary to your belief your son is not a mindless puppet who I control. If you want to find someone to blame for your poor relationship with your son (which was the case long before I met him) go into your bathroom and look in the mirror. Better still talk to him & ask him. An emotionally capable parent would be glad that their child had a partner who stood up to them when someone bullies them, belittles them, treats them like they can't even do anything good in life, tells them that they are stupid & tells them that they should be grateful for a mindless minimum wage job (because they are stupid & wouldn't be able to do anything better). However, the bullying parent would see me as a threat. Your son is far smarter & more of a man that you will ever be. Your relationship with him is between you & him, if you have wrecked it then that is your fault. I will not tolerate anybody who hurts my partner in the way that you do. But as I say, your relationship with him is between you & him, not me. You have no part in my life. You will never be a part of my life. Cease & desist the calling & snooping. I have no qualms in making it official if I am to notice you continuing this behaviour.  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! |
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