 Empaths tend to be over-givers & therefore attract people who will take take take. It's exhausting, so let me teach you how to change this pattern! The universe is always in a state of balance and when we are out of balance we attract people who are also out of balance but on the opposite side of that balance. Perhaps you believe that it is good to give give give, to be generous, and you're right, it is. But perhaps you also believe that it's not ok to receive, that it's not safe to receive, or that it makes you selfish to receive. When you pair these beliefs up, you have the recipe for an over-giver who doesn't allow reciprocation in. You might think that if you receive more, then that makes you selfish. But if you think of a scale, on one end of the scale you have those who are completely selfless, who will only give & never receive. On the other end of the scale you have completely selfish people, who only take & will not give a thing. In the middle there is balance. Those who allow themselves to receive as much as they give, those who know they deserve to receive as much as they give.  These people who are in balance, they can give more & when they do they start to receive more, because they allow it, because they believe in this balance. It is a form of self-love, to know that you deserve to receive. Now put yourself in the shoes of the universe. It's your job to match up energies so that everyone gets what they want. You have one person who only wants to receive & they want to give nothing at all, you also have another person who only wants to give & they want to receive nothing at all - MATCH! You will put those 2 people together because they are an out-of-balance match right?  How to receive more: 1. Change your belief system. It's no better to give than to receive. They are both good. Balance is best, 2. Change your expectations of receiving. Know that love is incomplete unless you include yourself in that, self-love. Expect to receive as much energy, love, etc. back as you give out in the world. 3. Hold back your energy in the non-reciprocal situations you have found yourself in. Stop doing it. Opt out. 4. Notice reciprocity. Allow yourself to receive from what you give. Charge for what you do. Ask for that raise because you work hard. Choose reciprocal people to engage with. When a situation is one-way, remove yourself from the dynamic. No longer be willing to supply the takers with what they are asking for: supply without giving.
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 We often assume that others think and feel the same way we do, projecting our own qualities—both positive and negative—onto them. For empaths, this can be particularly risky, as it leaves them vulnerable to non-empathic individuals who may cause harm. Additionally, empaths might try to resolve conflicts using methods that work for them, which may not be effective with non-empaths.  Conflict between two empaths is inevitable—after all, we’re all imperfect humans. However, when both people involved are empathetic, they’ll approach resolution in a way that a non-empath might never consider, let alone be capable of. Conflict resolution might unfold like this: The hurt person expresses their feelings and seeks a resolution. The other party listens to their perspective and may share their own point of view. Through open dialogue, they work towards mutual understanding, eventually arriving at a resolution. This often involves an apology for hurt feelings and an agreement on how to prevent future conflict, whether through changed behavior, improved communication, or both. While this process can be challenging even between two empathetic individuals, it's nearly impossible when one person lacks empathy.  Empathy involves being attuned to and sharing another person's feelings, experiences, and emotions. For empaths, this comes so naturally that it's difficult for them to imagine life without it. However, some people simply lack this ability. Estimates suggest that anywhere from 5% to as many as 1 in 6 people in the world may have little to no empathy. So lack of empathy means being unaware of & unable to share another person's feelings, experiences & emotions. It stands to reason that conflict resolution is going to be very tricky with this kind of a person if it's possible at all. It's crucial for empaths to recognize signs of a lack of empathy in others and adjust their approach to conflict resolution accordingly. While you may initially try to resolve the issue in the usual way, even persisting despite the non-empath's resistance, there comes a point where you must accept that internal resolution is enough. Some conflicts simply can't be resolved with someone who lacks empathy, because the problem isn't yours to fix.  Resolution for the empath requires a different approach. It's about finding inner peace and reflection on the situation. This might involve accepting that boundaries weren’t set or enforced, forgiving yourself for not speaking up sooner, and understanding how you overlooked the other person’s lack of empathy. It could also mean examining why you may have chosen, or allowed yourself to be chosen by, someone like this and coming to terms with tolerating bad behavior in your life. For an empath, resolution involves deep self-awareness—recognizing how their own empathy may have compromised their well-being and learning how to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Instead of seeking forgiveness for the perpetrator, it's about accepting that forgiveness might not be healthy, because a healthy caution toward them is required, and forgiving oneself for any missteps. With this renewed understanding, the empath can develop a plan to identify harmful patterns earlier, ultimately reclaiming their power. This allows them to express their very valuable trait of empathy in a way that protects, rather than harms, their own well-being. Empathy for the self being included.  I owed myself the biggest apology for accepting what I didn't deserve. I was going through life accepting whatever life threw at me, presuming that everything was a positive match for me if it was right in front of me, having no discernment, making no good choices for myself. I was just putting up with what life gave me & I was often disappointed. I wondered why the universe thought I was a match to people who didn't respect me, who didn't treat me well. (watch this week's guidance video about letting go of the old stories about disrespect) When I had finally had enough of it & retreated back to myself, away from people, to get clear on what I wanted, it all became clear to me. In that alone time, which took months, when I took care of myself to the highest standard I have ever taken care of myself, I got clear on what I wanted & what I deserved in my life. You see I am great, I'm really great. I started to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with ME, with someone just like ME, to receive the love & care that I give in relationships. I started to imagine what it would be like to receive all of the love that I give out into the world back, to the same level, in my business, in my social life, in my relationships, from the whole universe. It felt so good that I was clear that this was what I wanted. If I exist, then other people that are like me exist. The universe doesn't ever make one thing alone & leave it to wither & die because it doesn't have more of its kind to reproduce with, to create with. This is nature! I waited, I was clear & I started making good decisions for myself, I started not only to say no to what I didn't want but to clearly show that I would not tolerate that disrespect. I was stronger in myself, in being myself, without caring about what anyone else wanted from me, because I knew what I wanted. Little by little I started attracting more of my kind & life has never felt so good as it does right now. Let go of your old stories of disrespect & tell your story of what you truly want then wait firm for it. What do you really deserve in your life? Tell us in the comments  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self.
Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!  Compassionate souls have a desire to love & care for everybody, especially those who aren't looking after themselves. But these same compassionate souls have hard lesson after hard lesson while they do this, until they learn the difference between enabling & the loving care that actually benefits the recipient. In the 1980's food aid was sent into Africa to help feed those who were struggling to feed themselves. It had an unintended negative consequence. Free food was dropped into communities. These communities were used to growing their own food, but once they had a supply of free food they stopped planting their crops, they stopped tending to the land, they didn't need to anymore, food was being brought to them. So when the free food ran out, they were left in a worse position than before. They had to start again with even less resources than they had before. There are numerous examples that show us that doing things for other people, rather than empowering them to do it for themselves, has disasterous consequences. It's easy to see these things on the bigger scale, for the obvious examples, but what about when we look at the smaller scale, who we are loving & caring for around us? Is it loving & caring to give a man free fish or to teach him to fish for himself? Is it loving & caring to always tie your child's shoelaces or to teach them to do it for themselves? Is it loving & caring to get an addict their drug of choice or to help them to recover from it? Is it loving & caring to clean up someone's mess (house, life, relationships,...) or let them suffer their own consequences? The loving & caring thing is often unclear. We try to help sometimes, but what we are actually doing is enabling others not to learn to care for themselves, we are being codependent. I've been doing what I do professionally for 19 years now & it took me quite a few years more than I'd care to admit to, to realise that I can't help people who don't help themselves. That is: if someone isn't seeking the help & isn't willing to invest in themselves to get that help, then if I try to help it never helps them. Loving & caring for those who don't do love & care for themselves always backfires. The love & care can't be received, they are like endless drains never able to be filled because we cannot be any one else's source. Their source is within themselves, their own connection with the true source. Take a look around you. Who are you loving & caring for? Who drains you? Who uplifts you? Who are you constantly trying to fix because they seem such a mess? The loving & caring thing to do is to allow them to find their own power within them, for them to actually feel the consequences of their not looking after themselves so that they have the motivation to do it for themselves. This often means people have to hit rock bottom before they will bounce back, but we have all been there & bounce back we do! Are there parts of your life where you are not loving & caring for yourself? Because just as we can enable others who aren't caring for themselves, we can also be the ones who aren't loving & caring for ourselves & wanting others to do that for us. It could be your health, or your relationships, or your finances, or addictions,... When you start to love & care for yourself, you open the door to other people who are loving & caring for themselves, who can also love & care for you too, to come in. When loving & caring people love & care for each other it's a win win situation. It uplifts everyone & disempowers no-one. Which brings me to how you can love & care for others & have a positive effect. Loving & caring for those who are loving & caring for themselves. They are taking responsibility. You are taking responsibility. Neither you nor them NEED care from others, but they want it. This care can be received because they are already receiving the care from themselves. The love is uplifting for everyone because it's reciprocated. It's magical. It never depletes. It is the only true giving. It can only be given by those loving & caring for themselves first.  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!  It was a celebration, smoke filled the room, everyone was drunk, apart from me, I was a small child. My uncle was blowing smoke rings & I was catching them by poking my finger through them "I'll blow smoke rings when I'm a grown up, this is fun!" The adults had stopped making fun of my shyness, they'd stopped laughing at my body, they'd stopped trying to get me to admit that I fancied my cousin, I didn't even know what that meant anyway. The ordeal upstairs had also stopped. I had been molested by the boys, each taking turns to get into bed with me to touch me. My brother being both the ringleader & the first. This was not a safe situation. I was not cared for. This was an abusive situation, the only reality that I knew. Once I was old enough to take care of myself I removed myself from this abuse, or so I had thought. The truth was I was taking care of myself to the almost the same low levels. At age 47 I was still around alcoholics, I was still being made fun of, I was still being yelled at & put down by people who were pretending to love me, I was still around people who made me feel unsafe, I was still in that smoky atmosphere pretending that I was having fun. It was a shock to wake up to the fact that I was neglecting myself, that I wasn't caring for myself, that I wasn't protecting myself, that I wasn't choosing good situations for myself, still. So I took action, I removed myself from the toxicity. I started to take good care of myself, to be the parent for myself that I wish I had had. The ways in which I find easy to take care of myself, my diet, exercise, they were all ways in which I was taken care of as a child. That has come "naturally" to me as a result of my childhood programming. It's the destructive programming that has to go. Deciding on new boundaries & taking action on them, stepping away from what is not good for me is where I am at. The void. I know that the next step will come naturally when I am ready, when I am re-programmed, the stepping toward what IS good for me. Everyday I'm meditating, I'm exercising, I'm eating healthily, I'm working, I'm reading, I'm going to bed early. I'm focused on the basics, the foundations of good self-care, focused on what I can do positively for myself. I'll let you know when the next step comes along. Are you still caring for yourself in the same way, negative & positive, that you were cared for as a child? Do you need to start to take care of yourself better?  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! |
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