 If you have followed me over the years you will know that I struggle to receive. Being around abusive people in my formative years caused me to lack trust in people. But my receiving issues ran deeper than this, in particular my mother resented everything she ever gave me or did for me. This caused me to not want to receive anything from anyone lest they resent me for it, because I knew just how much that resentment made me feel bad about receiving. The crazy thing is this: stopping myself from receiving from others so that they don't resent me means that I have had to be the giver, the one doing everything not only for myself but for everyone else, which caused (you guessed it) resentment within me. It's impossible to give give and give some more without resentment because it is an our of balance state. In our attempt (my mother and I) to keep resentment at bay we were attracting it right to us and being it! I've been working on this for some time. It's hard without a balanced role model to learn from, but I quite like these inner challenges. This reluctance to receive meant that I took the caretaker role in all of my relationships and the world. I would take responsibility for everyone and everything and be firmly in control. I had to stop my caretaker role at the same time as my partner stopped his lost child role, we worked on it together. I released responsibility for him as he stepped up his responsibilities. We supported each other and let each other know if we slipped back into old roles. We achieved more balance. We are a work in progress. Then my son told me he was coming to live with me again. My partner forewarned me telling me that my son who is 20 does not need mothering (care taking) but needs a guide and that he would help me in releasing my old caretaker role with him. I braced myself: I knew that this was going to be hard for me. I love having my son here. He came to tell me who he really is and I approve. I had no idea that he was too afraid to tell me (or anyone else) for many years, but he needed to come tell me first. He's got a gift not unlike my own and he has specific plans of how he wants to help people with it. I understood his fear of coming out as a mystic, it took me many more years than him to have the courage to do it. I didn't have a me in my life: I am glad that he does. Having my son here pushes my buttons. I have felt the need to do everything for everyone for so long that stopping myself from doing this is hard and hardest of all with my children. I feel the need to physically remove myself from the situation. The stress I have been feeling has been intense. Now that I am stopping myself from taking responsibility and care taking, the stress is making itself known in a big way. Here's an example: My son said that he would make pizzas for us for lunch one day. He was going to grind the flour, make the dough, and all the rest of it, yum! My partner needed to eat at midday to be able to get to work on time. Usually I would make the lunch (we eat our main meal at lunchtime and our digestive system loves us for it) in plenty of time for him to get ready and get to work. Usually I am in control. It was 11:00am and no preparation had started. I wanted to take control, so I went to my partner and asked what to do. He told me to go lie outside in the sunshine and relax. So I did. At 11:15am my son came outside with his book and sat down to read. I thought my head was going to explode. I couldn't stop myself "You know that Jarrod needs to eat in about 45 minutes right?" He settled down to read his book. I had a fight with myself in my head. My stress levels were through the roof. I went to see my partner and he listened to me. He reminded me that the worst that could happen is that he doesn't eat before he goes to work which is actually not my responsibility and it won't affect me. This is about my son and him and he's not worried about it so why should I? I breathed in. I breathed out. This level of stress has been in me all of my life and I haven't felt it because I had a way of deflecting it, I had a coping mechanism, I could take responsibility for it all and not feel the stress, but it was there all along and the magnitude of it, when I really feel it, is scary. I hate to think of what it has been doing to my health. My son asked me to help him because he hadn't left enough time to make the pizzas (you reckon?) and after a frenzied time in the kitchen we all sat down to rush eat pizzas before I took Jarrod to work. I needed a massage, my back was hurting (not feeling supported by those around me) my neck was hurting (over thinking things, stress) and my shoulders were hurting (taking responsibility that isn't mine to take). The massage was sooooo goooood. I was so relaxed afterward that I went home and lay on my sun lounger dozing. I realised that the real issue here was trust (again), that I had begun to trust my partner and I was getting better at that, and that I needed to learn to do the same with my son, because what do we do best as women and mothers? Give to them, nurture them and take way too much responsibility them. This disempowers children and adults alike. I always felt it was my role though, that I needed to do that to prove myself as a good mother. Breaking free of it is like breaking free of a drug dependancy (I would imagine). I meditated on trust and realised that trust can be taken 2 ways. I could trust that my son would get the pizzas ready on time and expect him to and open myself up to disappointment or I could trust that everything would happen perfectly for everyone, lessons and all, and avoid disappointment, instead hoping for a great outcome. The first is expectation-trust and doesn't feel good, the second is hope-trust and feels much better. We got our pizzas in time. None of my stressing, fighting in my head and struggle made it happen. So I'm learning to hope-trust my partner and son more and I'm getting plenty of practice! For the last 3 weeks I have had the guidance to take a break from my work. I have been doing the bare minimum. I see where my guides are taking me now. The very same trust issues have stopped me from receiving from my business, anyone else who had done the amount of work I have in the last few years, helping thousands of people, the webinars, the products, the launches, the books, etc. would be a millionaire by now, and I have known for a long time that I am preventing myself from receiving back from it because I struggle to receive. As always the change starts within and then in the home and now I am extending that to hope-trust you, to hope-trust my business, to let go of my responsibility for the whole world, to let this be a team effort, to let go of the role I think I need to take to prove myself worthy and to let go of the struggle. I realise that when I have mastered this my business will set off by itself again. So I'm off to the pool now. Thanks for reading! Do you take responsibility for others? Are you a caretaker? Are you ready to give up the role and allow yourself the experience of truly receiving?  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!
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 I had an ah ha moment today. It was revealed to me through a judgment of someone else that had been praying on my mind for some time, but I hadn't brought this judgment into my fully conscious mind to pick it apart and find out what it was trying to tell me about myself ... until today. If you're on Facebook I'm sure you've had this experience before: whenever you see a certain person's posts, they always seem to be negative and draining. A Facebook friend of mine was constantly posting negatively about her ex and if she wasn't doing that she would be posting about her current partner and how she could get her own way with him when he wanted something different. As a survivor of a few control freaks these posts triggered me every time I saw them. I feel sorry for her ex who she is trying to manipulate and I feel sorry for her current relationship which in all likelihood won't end well. So today I decided enough was enough - I don't need to read such negativity every day, so I unfriended her. I meditated on what this had been teaching me about myself. I know it's all about me - there is nothing that happens in my life that is about anyone else really. It was obvious I was being triggered because of a similar experience with my ex trying to manipulate and control me in the same way through our children but there was something running much deeper than this, I just knew it! Here's the thing: she is a successful empowerment coach, yet she is clearly showing traits of someone that is disempowered, so she is still on her own journey to empowerment. There it was! I had found my real judgment! I believed that she didn't deserve success because she hadn't mastered what she was teaching yet. I believed that in order to teach I needed to be perfect, that I needed to have mastered what I'm teaching in myself first before I am worthy of success - I have been holding myself to such strict and high standards that I can never live up to because life is a path of constant growth, it's never done, perfection and mastery is unattainable. I have been holding success away from me all of this time because of this faulty belief. In my conscious mind I already knew:
But there was a contradictory habitual emotional belief about myself that had me not only judging myself as flawed and therefore not worthy but also judging successful people for their flaws. I did some EFT tapping on it to release it. Thank you Brad Yates! I kept hearing my mother say "You didn't deserve that." every time anything good happened to me, released that! I wrote out some new affirmations:
I feel so much better. I feel free of chains. And although I am grateful for the lesson my ex-Facebook friend gave me I still don't want to read those negative posts every day! You too can use this technique whenever you feel judgmental of someone or something keeps bugging you, delve deeper at what the faulty belief is behind it all  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!  There are many false responsibilities that we take on which undermine our ability to be in full flow with universal energy and sabotage our attempts to create what we want in our lives. Here are the 3 of the most common false responsibilities that we take and how to release ourselves from them so that we can work with the universe and get in the flow. False Responsibility #1 - You are here to help others. This is the most widespread false responsibility taken and also taught by many spiritual teachers and society. You cannot create in anybody else's experience but your own. Trying to do so will get you nowhere fast. Believing that you are here to help others instead of to help yourself will not only disempower you but it will also disempower those you try to take this creative responsibility over. You can only create in your own experience. Those of us that help others in a big way do not do it out of a feeling of responsibility for others and duty, otherwise we wouldn't be able to help as we do. We do it because we love what we do - for ourselves, it's for our own experience. Actually everything worth doing will help not only you but many others too, but the motivating factor should not be guilt, duty nor responsibility, it should be for your own personal growth & fulfilment. You are here to do what you love doing and to share it with those who come to you. You are to focus on your issues/problems/needs and find solutions to those. You are not here to focus on other people's issues/problems/needs and try to fix them for them, that's their responsibility. This shift in motivation to focusing on your own personal growth and fulfilment will break you free of a great deal of self-sabotage and will stop you from disempowering others by trying to help them due to lower energy reasons. False Responsibility #2 - You need to find your customers/opportunities/make sure what you do gets out there. Try as you might at this you will only hinder the natural flow of those very same things. The universe has got this one covered due to the law of attraction. If you try to take over this role and responsibility, you'll dig yourself into holes. You don't need to do this one, the universe will bring you all the people & opportunities that you are a match to and it will also make sure that the solutions that you offer will cascade down and help even more people too (that's not your responsibility either). Just be you, do what you do and let the universe bring you those who can benefit from what you do. False Responsibility #3 - Your role will create your abundance when you do it well enough. Abundance is not related to your role here at all. It is not a reward for doing a job. Abundance is available to all, just as water, trees to nest in and seeds are available to all birds without them having to fulfil a role or do a job. You do not need to prove your worth in order to experience abundance just as you don't need to be able to jump in the air to drink a glass of water - they are completely unrelated. Society has taught us that they are related, but they aren't, they just aren't. You can do what you love and experience abundance. You can do what you love and experience lack. You can do what you hate and experience abundance. You can do what you hate and experience lack. You can do nothing and experience abundance. You can do nothing and experience lack. Abundance is something you can align with in and of itself. It is not connected to anything else. Working for your abundance will keep you in guaranteed lack. So if you can't work for abundance how can you align with it? By loving abundance, by wanting to experience abundance, by knowing it's good to experience abundance, by rejoicing all the abundance you see around you, by being grateful for all the abundance you see and experience, by wishing abundance for all others, by believing in abundance and by stopping thinking, saying and doing the opposite of all of those things.  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!  Do you ever have those moments in life when you think everything is going great and then suddenly you are shown something in your life that is so not aligned with who you are now that it comes as a big shock to find it lurking there? Last week I faced something that I had been subconsciously avoiding for a long time: I looked at what I had been charging for a service that I offered every week and found that I had been charging the amount I used to years ago when I was firmly based in lack, so much lack that I would discount my normal price without my customers even asking for a discount. I was horrified to see that there was this energy blast from the past still in my business and my life. I felt sick that this had been lurking unseen for such a long time! I realised that although the service I provide is so valuable I was not valuing my part in providing that service. It was clear to me that I needed to love myself more instead of just my work! Every day I spend at least 3 hours of my mind time in gratitude, loving everything about my life and the things that I would like to experience next. But how much of that time is actually focused on loving me? I spend time focusing my gratitude on my health and body, on my gifts and skills, and they are all great: but they aren't ME. So this weekend I made a decision to dedicate the whole weekend to loving me, to valuing myself and focusing on how much I love myself. It was delightful - and made all the more delightful by spending a large amount of my time on my new sun lounger! How many times do you value everything else in your life but omit yourself? You are not your body, health, work, skills, you're not even your personality. You are the spark of conscious creator spirit, a unique droplet in the ocean of God. You are loved and worthy beyond measure. To feel this kind of love for your true self requires a determined focus to love everything about yourself until you get to loving the core of who you really are. On Sunday evening as the sun was going down, I put down my book to look at the beautiful sunset from my sun lounger and a feeling of peace came over me. It felt like a near death experience, my life until now passed before my eyes and I was content with it all. It felt like a new page had been turned and that I could write anything I want in this new chapter of my life. What are you doing next weekend?  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!  Do you find yourself wanting to achieve something but asking questions like: "How can I do it?" "How did they do it?" "What's the trick?" It's not about the doing at all. As long as you are focused on how to do something you will never get there. Everyone who ever achieved anything great knows that it's never about the doing, although action is necessary. They know that to achieve anything requires a clear positive vision above all else. If you were to stalk me or any other successful entrepreneur 24 hours a day you'd learn that we all have something in common: we all prioritise taking time every day to hold our vision clearly. Yes, every day. That is the one thing that most people never do and that's why most people never get the results that they want in their life. If you were to set aside time every day to hold a clear positive vision of what you wanted, and were to spend time every day dealing with the negative voices in your head that tell you "you can't" "that's not possible" "you shouldn't even want that" "it's too much for you" "nobody will pay you for that" ... to turn them into positive affirmations - you can and you will! This is how my weekdays are: 6-7am Get up & work out whilst working out go through my gratitude list including things I want and that haven't yet manifest. Visualise my day ahead of me, smiling happy customers, new customers getting in touch, magical connections & opportunities, the money rolling in. 7-8am Have a green smoothie for breaky, get showered and ready for work, head to my home office. 8-9am Give myself a reading of what to focus on today, write down my goals for the day, week, month and the bigger goals and write Thank you! next to them. I write down my to do list for the day in priority of most boring first, accounts, tax, email, to the most exciting things, customers, blogs, new product, work on book, etc. 9-12 Work with customers, and on actioning my to do list. 12-1 Dinner for lunch - my body loves having my main carby/protein/veggie meal for lunch. 1-3 Back to my office, working on more of my to do list. I'm usually more creative in the afternoon working on new things rather than with customers. Make a list of all of the people I have helped, the value I have given in the day, and ask the universe to receive the balance of that energy with gratitude. 3-5 Yoga overlooking the canal, relaxing, switching off for the day. Do my facial exercises, put a mask on and listen to a guided meditation. 5-sleep Light dinner, glass of wine, time with my partner talking, sharing our joint visions, sharing our days with each other, emotionally supporting each other, listening to audio books, reading or doing self growth programs together. My weekend is almost the same, but I don't spend any time in my office. I spend even more time working on myself, meditating, visualising, and enjoying life. You might think that this amount of visualising/manifestation/self growth work is excessive but I can tell you that everybody who is achieving anything great is doing the same thing. You might think "Well that's alright for you to have that amount of time to be able to do that but I don't!" I have exactly the same hours in a day as you have, I just choose to use them as productively as possible and I know how to use them productively. How you choose to use yours is your choice. Your mind is free to be visualising no matter what your body is doing, but you need to make the choice to do it. My mind could be lazy, asleep, random or negative whilst I'm working out, but that would be a great waste of time and of the energy that is created when working out. This amount of clear positive vision is a choice, it's a choice that you can make right now and it's a choice that attracts the people, opportunities and calls to action that will take you there - then and only then must you act on them immediately. That's the only time you should ever focus on what to do to get there and it will be obvious, right in front of you and it will be fun. What is your highest vision for yourself? Are you turning that negative voice in your mind into a positive one? Do you need help with that? Are you ready to take your life to the next level?  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! |
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