 At my partners family events we used to play this game: try to get his sister to ask how you are. This game started long before I joined in. The empaths in the family would try to get the narcissist to have a 2 way conversation. Each empath would try, but she would never ask about the other person. In that family dynamic my partner, his mum, his brother & I were the empaths. His father and sister were narcissists. When there was a shared humour between us empaths it was easier not to take their behaviour personally. We were there for each other, to validate each other's experiences, she really didn't ever ask about anyone else, it was all about her.  I grew up in a different dynamic. I was the only empath amongst narcissists. There was no safety & certainly no humour to be found. Within the dynamic it was very difficult to ascertain my own reality when I was being told that I'm too sensitive, "that didn't hurt", words don't hurt people, that it could be worse, that they are good people & other people are worse. The few times I went away on school trips, without my brother being there, there was a slight reprieve, I would always cry when I returned home not really understanding my tears or my feelings of not wanting to be there. It was only once I lived outside of the family home at university with other people that I realised it wasn't true, other people weren't worse than them. I had a taste of kind hearted, generous, loving people & so began piecing myself back together again.  Unfortunately I didn't take it one step further & disconnect completely from my family. I can look back wishing I had, but this was back in the 1980's, there were no narciccistic abuse books, YouTube channels or even therapists who could help. I was one, amongst many, who had to heal ourselves with whatever help we could get. I wish I knew back then that healing is only possible with no contact. I understood eventually, that I could not be present, could not be fully functional, could not be there for other people, while I was under constant attack. With great guilt & shame I disconnected & I began the real work of healing. I picked myself up, I faced my feelings, feelings that I had been told, didn't matter, I had even had it screamed in my face "I don't fucking care how you feel!" I realised that my feelings did matter, and that it was ok to feel them, that I was human to feel them. The dehumanised part of me, that allowed me to be victim to the constant bullying, belittlement, gaslighting, devaluation, she was loved by me, until she realised she actually wasn't the problem after all.  Many years into this healing I quit drinking alcohol, the substance that I had used to take the edge off the constant social anxiety and other feelings that were just too hard back then to fully feel. I found Muay Thai kickboxing which made me feel powerful, strong, able to handle myself in any situation. I became someone who cannot be bullied anymore. I became very strong, strong enough to confront others when I see bad behaviour, strong enough to stand up for other people being bullied, strong enough to call people out when they are being cruel. It's amazing how the bullies & narcissists flee once you are strong. Their fragile sense of ego, that has to make them right, that has to make it all about them, it cannot handle someone who might tell the truth, who might stand up to them. This is intolerable to their ego, they must remain in control by avoidance. Their avoidance is good for me too. I know that I deserve to have good people in my life, who do fucking care about how I feel, who even ask me in healthy 2 way conversations how I feel, without it having to be a game to coax it out of them. I choose people who have empathetic hearts, who are open, who can talk about things openly to solve problems when they come up. I choose people who are able to love & who offer love in relationships, any kind of relationships. I now notice the signs, more quickly than ever, of narcissistic traits. Nobody has the right to bully me or abuse me. Nobody. It doesn't matter how much DNA we share. Nobody has the right to abuse me. Nobody.
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 We often assume that others think and feel the same way we do, projecting our own qualities—both positive and negative—onto them. For empaths, this can be particularly risky, as it leaves them vulnerable to non-empathic individuals who may cause harm. Additionally, empaths might try to resolve conflicts using methods that work for them, which may not be effective with non-empaths.  Conflict between two empaths is inevitable—after all, we’re all imperfect humans. However, when both people involved are empathetic, they’ll approach resolution in a way that a non-empath might never consider, let alone be capable of. Conflict resolution might unfold like this: The hurt person expresses their feelings and seeks a resolution. The other party listens to their perspective and may share their own point of view. Through open dialogue, they work towards mutual understanding, eventually arriving at a resolution. This often involves an apology for hurt feelings and an agreement on how to prevent future conflict, whether through changed behavior, improved communication, or both. While this process can be challenging even between two empathetic individuals, it's nearly impossible when one person lacks empathy.  Empathy involves being attuned to and sharing another person's feelings, experiences, and emotions. For empaths, this comes so naturally that it's difficult for them to imagine life without it. However, some people simply lack this ability. Estimates suggest that anywhere from 5% to as many as 1 in 6 people in the world may have little to no empathy. So lack of empathy means being unaware of & unable to share another person's feelings, experiences & emotions. It stands to reason that conflict resolution is going to be very tricky with this kind of a person if it's possible at all. It's crucial for empaths to recognize signs of a lack of empathy in others and adjust their approach to conflict resolution accordingly. While you may initially try to resolve the issue in the usual way, even persisting despite the non-empath's resistance, there comes a point where you must accept that internal resolution is enough. Some conflicts simply can't be resolved with someone who lacks empathy, because the problem isn't yours to fix.  Resolution for the empath requires a different approach. It's about finding inner peace and reflection on the situation. This might involve accepting that boundaries weren’t set or enforced, forgiving yourself for not speaking up sooner, and understanding how you overlooked the other person’s lack of empathy. It could also mean examining why you may have chosen, or allowed yourself to be chosen by, someone like this and coming to terms with tolerating bad behavior in your life. For an empath, resolution involves deep self-awareness—recognizing how their own empathy may have compromised their well-being and learning how to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Instead of seeking forgiveness for the perpetrator, it's about accepting that forgiveness might not be healthy, because a healthy caution toward them is required, and forgiving oneself for any missteps. With this renewed understanding, the empath can develop a plan to identify harmful patterns earlier, ultimately reclaiming their power. This allows them to express their very valuable trait of empathy in a way that protects, rather than harms, their own well-being. Empathy for the self being included.  I used to think it was my duty to sacrifice myself for others. I used to think I was a good person for trying to help anyone I saw in need of help, whether they asked for it or not. I used to think I gained some kind of credit for giving up my energy, my wishes, my well-being, my time, to give others what they wanted. At one point I was doing it in my business too, I was giving all of myself, constantly every day & getting so little in return. It was exhausting & I used to think it was other people's problem. I had believed the rhetoric that if you just give, give & then give some more then it will come back to you, eventually. But then it never did. What did happen was that I burned out & I became resentful that I was giving it all without getting what I needed, never mind what I wanted. I learned that this kind of giving is in fact judgment of others. So imagine someone coming up to you & telling you that something in your life, that you love, that you enjoy, is actually a problem & they have come to fix it! You know how that would feel right? Hmm, actually, this isn't a problem, I love it. Or maybe you would believe them & allow them to "help" you? I know I have done both in the past. But I have also been this person perceiving problems where there really aren't any. Trying to help when really I am judging what I see in others as a problem when it isn't, or if it is, that's for them to decide & to find their solution in connection with their higher self. The thing is when we are in alignment, when we are focused on our life & creating what we want in our lives to make ourselves feel good, then we end up being of true service to others, not by looking at them & deciding they have a problem, but by doing what makes us feel great. For example, I love doing the weight loss coaching, but I'm not going up to people who I think are fat & asking them do they want it? Ha ha, I am just putting it out there for those that do & having a great time teaching them & helping them when they ask for it, no judgment involved. I love giving readings, but I'm not going out looking for people with problems to ask them do they want a reading on it (I so used to do that!) I just offer the service for those who want it. I love doing the management for my friend at the Muay Thai gym here, it is so much fun, but it wasn't because I thought he had a problem with it. However, in the last few days I have found myself seeing problems in my close relationships & wanting to help. Just after I shot the week ahead reading I realised that I was doing it again! You see, everything should be a win win situation. You don't need to give up anything for anyone else. Martyrdom isn't cool it's really annoying to everyone including the martyr! When you are in true alignment, doing what makes you feel great, you will want to do things that help others, not because you have noticed there is a problem with them, but because it feels so much fun to do it. Take a look at what you are doing that doesn't feel good. Why are you doing it? What is the problem that you have perceived that needs to be fixed by you doing this? Isn't that a judgment? Could you allow yourself to just do what you love? Let us know in the comments!  The only thing stopping you from instantly manifesting anything you want is not being in alignment with it, or in other words, a block to it. A block is a resistance to, or a contradiction to, what you really want.
What is your biggest block? How can you release it? Your higher self knows the easiest path to releasing your greatest resistance & can lead you step by step to breaking free of it. Click here to book your biggest block reading today!  Worry is like praying for what you don't want. When we worry we are imagining the worst possible scenarios, we are focusing on what we don't want happening in the future. Our minds hold our super powers. We are conscious creators & we attract what it is we are thinking about. The way this happens is by the law of attraction. When we worry, when we focus on what we don't want to happen, worried that it might happen, firstly we attract more thoughts that are like that worried thought. When we worry it feels bad, this heightened negative emotion tells us that our higher selves don't agree with the way we are thinking, but it also shows us that we are adding our other super power, our emotions, to fuel the attractor pattern, we are literally throwing gasoline on the fire that we already started. So our minds will naturally pick up on even more worrying thoughts, thoughts that other people have had, thoughts that you have had in the past & your mind gains a kind of momentum on this same subject of worry. This momentum will then attract evidence in the world around you, so you will see what you are worried about around you, you will see it happening to other people, you will witness it around you. With this evidence, your mind believes it even more & more momentum is gained. Until you manifest it for yourself & say "See! I knew that would happen! I was right!" but the truth is "See! I made that happen! I created it!" So how can we break free of this worrying pattern? It might seem logical to affirm the opposite, so if you're worried that you will fall off a cliff, to repeat to yourself "I won't fall off the cliff, I won't fall off the cliff" or if you are worried about money to affirm "I am wealthy". However, the mind is not stupid, it cannot be convinced of these things that are in opposition of its trajectory. The 5 steps to stop worrying 1. Own up to you using your super powerful mind to create what you don't want. Make the decision to change this from this day forward. 2. Be compassionate with yourself. Negative thoughts feel horrible. It's important to soothe ourselves rather than punish ourselves for this. Give yourself a hug. 3. Know that with a momentum of worry it will be hard to change, that you will naturally keep attracting similar thoughts for a while, but with ongoing awareness you can turn it around. 4. Relax. Breathe. Clear your mind. Focus on the small simple things that make you feel better. Stroke the cat. Go for a walk in nature. Do the gardening. Work out. Wash the dishes. Clean out the garage. Take care of yourself. Eat well... When you focus on these small things, taking care of yourself, on the simple things that make you feel good, you distract your mind from the other stuff. Meditation will be difficult when you are in worry, but once you are focused on the simple things, you will feel better & meditation will be easier. A clear mind will naturally tend to the positive because your higher self will pull you in that direction 5. Don't talk about your worries with others. Don't engage in conversation about it when others want to talk about their worries. Don't read about things that worry you. Don't watch the news. Don't watch worrying movies. Protect yourself from anything that instigates more of the worry energy. Give yourself the best chance possible. Listen to inspiring podcasts. Watch inspiring movies. Read inspiring stories. Look for evidence of positivity in your world & you will find it. Practice these 5 steps consistently until you gain a positive momentum that is easy to maintain. See you on that positive spiral!  The only thing stopping you from instantly manifesting anything you want is not being in alignment with it, or in other words, a block to it. A block is a resistance to, or a contradiction to, what you really want.
What is your biggest block? How can you release it? Your higher self knows the easiest path to releasing your greatest resistance & can lead you step by step to breaking free of it. Click here to book your biggest block reading today!  On a beautiful sunny day I was walking along the beach, returning to my beach bungalow when I saw a group of my friends from the nearby yoga centre, they were worried. The yoga teacher had lost the key to the yoga centre, it was a beautiful antique key for an antique padlock from Tibet. There were only 2 keys, the owner had one & the other was for whichever yoga teacher was taking the next class. Losing the key was a big problem for them. She knew where she had walked since she had last had the key, she had walked between the yoga centre & the beach. She felt so terrible for her boss, she didn't want to have lost the key that had sentimental value to him. More people joined the search for the key. I needed to go buy some food, so as I walked the stretch of path between the beach & the yoga centre, I casually looked down, hoping to find it, but I didn't. On my way back with my food, they were still searching for it & as I got closer to my beach bungalow I glanced to the right of the path & there was an antique key on a piece of ribbon. I picked it up & skipped back to the yoga centre with it to give it back to them. They were so grateful. I explained that you can't find what you believe is lost. So even though many people had looked at that section of the path, they hadn't found it because they believed it lost. But it was more than that. They were all very emotionally involved with the lost key. They were worried, they felt terrible. I wasn't emotionally involved in it, I was carrying on with my day after a casual attempt to find it & I had let it go. This is why I could see it there on the path when others couldn't. I was reminded of this story last week by the still very grateful yoga centre owner. But again, reminded of it today, this time by my higher self as a key to helping me with my life right now. There are two things in my life I am struggling with right now, I am totally emotionally involved in them. I'm worried, I'm fighting it, I'm not accepting of either of them, I'm trying to control it, I'm trying to change it & both are completely lost to me. I can't see the key on the path. I'm too emotionally involved in it. I know that I need to let go. I even know that everything is ok & will be ok, with both of them, because they always are. But still I am struggling with this emotional involvement, which is keeping the manifestation of what I want to come about easily. I'm struggling to let go & allow the key to reveal itself. So I ask my higher self for some help. What can I do to let go? This was the response: Refocus on something else that you don't have a problem with, one step at a time, every time you find yourself focused on what is worrying you again, refocus on something else. How often do you stay focused on the struggle, on the things in your life that you are emotionally involved in, thinking that you can figure it out? Has that ever worked for you? Or is it only when you have let go of it, surrendered, that what you wanted manifested with ease? It's time to focus on something else, on something that is easy, on something that you're not worried about, on something simple, like getting your dinner, like taking care of yourself, those easy things that have no emotional attachments, knowing that the universe will show you the key that you have been looking for in good time.  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self.
Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! |
Be Healing!
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