 Compassionate souls have a desire to love & care for everybody, especially those who aren't looking after themselves. But these same compassionate souls have hard lesson after hard lesson while they do this, until they learn the difference between enabling & the loving care that actually benefits the recipient. In the 1980's food aid was sent into Africa to help feed those who were struggling to feed themselves. It had an unintended negative consequence. Free food was dropped into communities. These communities were used to growing their own food, but once they had a supply of free food they stopped planting their crops, they stopped tending to the land, they didn't need to anymore, food was being brought to them. So when the free food ran out, they were left in a worse position than before. They had to start again with even less resources than they had before. There are numerous examples that show us that doing things for other people, rather than empowering them to do it for themselves, has disasterous consequences. It's easy to see these things on the bigger scale, for the obvious examples, but what about when we look at the smaller scale, who we are loving & caring for around us? Is it loving & caring to give a man free fish or to teach him to fish for himself? Is it loving & caring to always tie your child's shoelaces or to teach them to do it for themselves? Is it loving & caring to get an addict their drug of choice or to help them to recover from it? Is it loving & caring to clean up someone's mess (house, life, relationships,...) or let them suffer their own consequences? The loving & caring thing is often unclear. We try to help sometimes, but what we are actually doing is enabling others not to learn to care for themselves, we are being codependent. I've been doing what I do professionally for 19 years now & it took me quite a few years more than I'd care to admit to, to realise that I can't help people who don't help themselves. That is: if someone isn't seeking the help & isn't willing to invest in themselves to get that help, then if I try to help it never helps them. Loving & caring for those who don't do love & care for themselves always backfires. The love & care can't be received, they are like endless drains never able to be filled because we cannot be any one else's source. Their source is within themselves, their own connection with the true source. Take a look around you. Who are you loving & caring for? Who drains you? Who uplifts you? Who are you constantly trying to fix because they seem such a mess? The loving & caring thing to do is to allow them to find their own power within them, for them to actually feel the consequences of their not looking after themselves so that they have the motivation to do it for themselves. This often means people have to hit rock bottom before they will bounce back, but we have all been there & bounce back we do! Are there parts of your life where you are not loving & caring for yourself? Because just as we can enable others who aren't caring for themselves, we can also be the ones who aren't loving & caring for ourselves & wanting others to do that for us. It could be your health, or your relationships, or your finances, or addictions,... When you start to love & care for yourself, you open the door to other people who are loving & caring for themselves, who can also love & care for you too, to come in. When loving & caring people love & care for each other it's a win win situation. It uplifts everyone & disempowers no-one. Which brings me to how you can love & care for others & have a positive effect. Loving & caring for those who are loving & caring for themselves. They are taking responsibility. You are taking responsibility. Neither you nor them NEED care from others, but they want it. This care can be received because they are already receiving the care from themselves. The love is uplifting for everyone because it's reciprocated. It's magical. It never depletes. It is the only true giving. It can only be given by those loving & caring for themselves first.  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!
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 It was a celebration, smoke filled the room, everyone was drunk, apart from me, I was a small child. My uncle was blowing smoke rings & I was catching them by poking my finger through them "I'll blow smoke rings when I'm a grown up, this is fun!" The adults had stopped making fun of my shyness, they'd stopped laughing at my body, they'd stopped trying to get me to admit that I fancied my cousin, I didn't even know what that meant anyway. The ordeal upstairs had also stopped. I had been molested by the boys, each taking turns to get into bed with me to touch me. My brother being both the ringleader & the first. This was not a safe situation. I was not cared for. This was an abusive situation, the only reality that I knew. Once I was old enough to take care of myself I removed myself from this abuse, or so I had thought. The truth was I was taking care of myself to the almost the same low levels. At age 47 I was still around alcoholics, I was still being made fun of, I was still being yelled at & put down by people who were pretending to love me, I was still around people who made me feel unsafe, I was still in that smoky atmosphere pretending that I was having fun. It was a shock to wake up to the fact that I was neglecting myself, that I wasn't caring for myself, that I wasn't protecting myself, that I wasn't choosing good situations for myself, still. So I took action, I removed myself from the toxicity. I started to take good care of myself, to be the parent for myself that I wish I had had. The ways in which I find easy to take care of myself, my diet, exercise, they were all ways in which I was taken care of as a child. That has come "naturally" to me as a result of my childhood programming. It's the destructive programming that has to go. Deciding on new boundaries & taking action on them, stepping away from what is not good for me is where I am at. The void. I know that the next step will come naturally when I am ready, when I am re-programmed, the stepping toward what IS good for me. Everyday I'm meditating, I'm exercising, I'm eating healthily, I'm working, I'm reading, I'm going to bed early. I'm focused on the basics, the foundations of good self-care, focused on what I can do positively for myself. I'll let you know when the next step comes along. Are you still caring for yourself in the same way, negative & positive, that you were cared for as a child? Do you need to start to take care of yourself better?  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!  "This can't happen again, I won't survive it again!" was my cry to the universe after I had been raped for the 3rd time in my life. I was 36, it had been 18 years since it had last happened, 22 years since it first happened. I thought I was done with that story long ago. I was living a synchronistic life, a business woman, things always worked out magically for me, then Bam! It happened again. I felt broken, but not too broken to recover. This time. It couldn't happen again. I wouldn't survive it. I knew that deep in my heart. I knew that something had to change & I knew that something had to be me. I had flown away from my abusive family, to live on the other side of the world. I had followed my spiritual calling. I was helping lots of people to heal. My heart was open. I was making a difference. I didn't know how I had manifested this again but I knew that I needed to find out so that I could release it. I didn't tell anyone about the first rape, there was nobody safe to tell. I told a couple of close friends about my second rape, but I had been to visit a court just weeks before it happened & I had witnessed the victim being abused even more in the court room. I knew that I could never do anything about it without even more pain inflicted on myself. But this time it was different, I knew that I would kill myself if it happened again, this time it was a matter of survival. I needed to tell someone who could do something about it. I needed to do something about it. I told the police. They had a counsellor contact me to help me through the next stages, it was the help that I needed all along. I would not recommend anyone go through the court process, unfortunately, it still is a terrible ordeal where you are abused again, only this time in a room full of people who should know better. The system is loaded to protect the perpetrator & to belittle the victim. But I would highly recommend the counselling because this is what I found: I had grown up in an abusive household of alcoholics. This made me accept abuse as normal. I had no capacity to discern a dangerous person from a safe person. I was open to anyone. I had no boundaries. Even the spiritual teachings I was following had me seeing the best in everyone & thinking that this would protect me. It didn't. I was taught life skills by my counsellor, she taught me what is acceptable, what isn't, she taught me how to take control of ongoing abusive relationships, how to have boundaries to protect my feelings, to protect myself. We did role playing so that it became my new normal. I had to unlearn a lifetime of being taught to accept everyone & everything, but with the right support I did it. The abusers that I had an ongoing relationship with were suddenly scared of my new empowered energy & they backed away out of my life, without even having to say the things that I had practised with my counsellor. It was working! Next I had to change my story. My story was one of the victim overcoming, of the phoenix rising. My story was all about healing from the old story. Even my business was all about that too. Yesterday my tattoo was finished, it's a phoenix. The time was right to have this reminder of the story that I have left behind. Because there has to be an end to it. There has to be a new story. A new story has to take its place for the healing to be completed. I am no longer living the story of the abused one who overcame, that story has ended now & they all lived happily ever after. I am now starting to live the story of an empowered woman starting her new life at age 47, with big dreams, unlimited potential, with strong boundaries, knowing what she wants, unwilling to accept anything less from anyone, addiction-free, a life of excellence, of the best. I know that the abuse won't happen again, because people have tried to abuse me recently & I have drawn up strong boundaries to them immediately. I now recognise those who aren't loving themselves & so who are capable of abuse, it shows obviously in addictions. When people show me who they are I believe them instantly now, I set my boundaries because I know that I deserve the best. I know that rape won't happen again because I am strong & no longer open to being abused. I know that I am free of this story now because I can deal with everyone random situation life throws at me with strength & empowerment. There are a few common tales being lived: The victim's tale is a terrible story, it's hard, it's depressing, it's not inspiring, it's like a bottomless pit. The medical drama tale is similar to the victims story, it's just a more specific tale of woe. The hero's tale (otherwise known as the Phoenix rising tale) is an interesting story, it's one that many choose, I chose it, it's dramatic, but the adversity is hard to take & you have a lot of healing to do from it. Although the healing leads to rewards which are great, there has to be an end to this story. The happily ever after tale is a different story, it's a new one, it is no longer about overcoming adversity, it is about a whole new creation. It's unique to you & what you want to experience. What would you like to come after the hero's tale? You are the writer & the director of your life. You can continue telling the old story or you can write a new one & choose who you want to play the parts in that new story. What story have you been living? What story would you like to live now? Share your old & your new story in the comments below  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!  My morning routine doesn't stay the same, but it always has similar components to it depending on how I feel when I wake up. This morning this is exactly what I did: I woke up & went for a pee. It was 6am, I was still tired, so I put a guided meditation on my phone & went back to bed. An hour & a half later I made myself a coffee & I took the writing pad out of my bedside drawer. I wrote down my goals for the day, some goals for the month & some general things that I wanted to manifest. I listened to a 30 minute hypnosis, because my previous meditation had felt more like lie-in laziness, & I wanted to empower what I had just written down with my good vibes. I took a shower, put my bikini on, grabbed a banana & rode my bicycle down to a local juice bar for a fresh juice. After my juice I went to the pool, took this photo, had a swim, ate my banana, sunbathed during which I got 3 ideas of action to take toward those goals I had written down. I came back home, hung my bikini out to dry & got to work. This blog was one of the 3rd of those ideas, I already acted on the others., it's 11:33am right now. I feel amazing! This morning's routine is heavier than usual on the guided meditations, it doesn't involve as much exercise as usual because I'm recovering from yesterday evening's Muay Thai training, I will work out later today, it is focused on my work goals because I feel like working today. Some days I wake up & I feel energetic, my body wants to move & so I will do a shorter meditation, write down my goals & desires, throw my workout gear on & head to the gym. Usually while I'm on the treadmill I'll get the ideas for the actions to take that day, when I am fully in my body & not in my head. Whatever happens, however I feel, I try to write down what I want every morning. If I let this slip, my results stop happening. The rest is self-care, listening to my body, mind & soul. That self-care is important to fire up my energy to get those results that I have asked for, it's important because it makes me feel great, it makes me feel empowered, it makes me feel in control of my day, I get to be the director of my day! I have a pad that I can tear yesterdays page out of, I acknowledge what I achieved the day before then I scrunch it up & throw it in the bin. On my fresh page I write down is the number of customers that I want that day dependent on my energy levels & how I feel, & I write Thank you universe! If I have asked for 8 customers say, then I will write 1 to 8 in circles below, the after the number 8 write a star (this is for an extra celebration if I surpass my goals). Throughout the day I tick off the circled number, one by one & give thanks for them. Next I write down what I want to accomplish this month financially, again I write down the figure, sometimes 3 times, then I write Thank you universe! in order to surrender & hand my request over, rather than try to do it myself. Then I write down things that I want that haven't manifested yet, things like a new phone, an equal romantic partner, the number of new leads I want on my mailing list, fitness goals (I constantly challenge my body to being healthier, stronger, faster, better,... it's fun for me) I always write Thank you universe! after each request I don't think too much about it, I don't spend a lot of time doing it, in fact the less time I spend on it the better, because writing it down is about surrender & letting it go. It's a shopping list for the day from the universe, I don't need to memorise it, keep thinking about it, I have handed it over & can trust the universe to pop ideas into my head for the actions to take to make it all happen. Do you have write your goals down daily? Do you want to try it? Share in the comments below what your morning practice is & how it helps you  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! I have talked to thousands of higher selves in my readings & this subject comes up again & again. It comes up a lot for women, but it also comes up in men's readings too. I'm talking about trying to unconditionally love turning into unwanted & even painful experiences. Unconditional love isn't ... ... tolerating ... being a doormat ... people pleasing ... putting other people's feelings/desires/needs first ... being loving to people who aren't being loving All of the above behaviour is pandering to other people's egos. It's trying to please the un-alignment in others. It's trading your self-love for their ego. It's not really loving them at all & it definitely isn't loving you. In an ideal world we would all love everyone else unconditionally. But this can only be done when you love yourself unconditionally first - show me one person on this planet who can do this! Conditionally love your way to self love So when you think "This person loves me so I should love them" & you feel bad, because you don't actually like them & they hurt you & your heart is telling you that it doesn't love them. Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead. When you think "I'm going to love this (unlovable) person until I get back the love that I want" & you feel bad, you never feel enough, you don't receive the love back from them & your heart is telling you to walk away. Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead. When you think "If I give this person what they want, if I focus on their needs & meet them, they will be happy & then someone will make me happy too" & you feel bad, you feel resentful, you feel unappreciated, you feel empty, you feel like nobody is giving you what you need & your heart says stop. Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead. When you think "If I love this person enough they will heal/stop their abusive behaviour/change" & you feel bad, you get hurt, you get abused, you get blamed & your heart says run a mile! Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead. Unconditional love is ... ... loving despite conditions ... not trying to change anyone so that you can feel better ... being discerning ... loving their essence, not their ego It's hard enough to learn how to do this for ourselves, never mind to do it for someone else. So this is why trying to unconditionally love before you unconditionally love yourself backfires, it's actually all ego based, not heart based at all. To be heart based requires you to learn to listen to your heart & love yourself first.  I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! |
Be Healing!
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