 Recently, I found myself completely depleted by a situation that technically had nothing to do with me. I wasn't directly involved, but people turned to me for the resolution. It wasn't mine to fix. I knew that. And yet my body reacted as though it was. I took it on! My nervous system was on edge for hours afterwards. I could feel my blood pressure elevated. I couldn’t shake it off. I replayed the situation in my mind. I slept badly. Even though, intellectually, I knew something very important: I was not responsible. These were adults. Their emotions were theirs. Their choices were theirs. It was theirs to resolve themselves. Their consequences were theirs to learn from. And yet… my nervous system had already stepped into a role I know far too well. Handle this. Fix this. Regulate this. Protect everyone. That was the real revelation. Because consciously, I no longer believe I am responsible for everyone. I have done enough healing to know that. And yet in that moment, my body told a different story. A much older story. The story of being parentified.
And that last one is the one that landed hardest for me: I don’t just help. I absorb it all. I'll catch the grenades that everyone else is throwing then swallow them like a cartoon super woman and hold the explosion inside of me so that nobody but me gets hurt. That was my survival strategy. And survival strategies can become incredibly sophisticated adult identities.
But beneath that capability can be a nervous system that still believes: If someone is dysregulated, I must do something. Even when logically, you know you do not. This is why insight alone doesn’t always create freedom. Because your nervous system doesn’t care what you logically know. It responds to what it learned was necessary for survival. And this is where so many hyper-capable women get stuck.
And yet when life happens? Their body still activates the old role.
Maybe this shows up for you as:
If this is you, please know:
This is exactly the kind of work I do inside Inner Child Reclamation.
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 Last night was my first night with my new kitten Mystic, she's 8 weeks old and absolutely adorable. I found myself lying completely still so as not to wake her and some very old feelings rumbled up, uncomfortable feelings... Trying to be quiet, trying to not take up any space, it ballooned into the old familiar feelings of not being too much, not being an inconvenience. I felt like a little girl again, sleeping top to tail in my best friend's bed, needing to pee but terrified of making a noise, moving at all or waking anybody. My nervous system took me to all the other times I have felt this, minimising myself, being silent, trying not to be an imposition. All of those feelings came flooding back. I felt it all last night, it felt so familiar and so much lesser than the full me that I am now. I shed a tear as I felt the sadness for my younger self having been led to believe I was too much, that I didn't deserve to take up space, feeling like I was an imposition for just being alive.., so sad.  And caring for this precious little furry baby, who needs my almost constant attention, whether she is playing, or resting, she wants to be touching me, I am her home now, her emotional comfort. She was raised from 2 days old with her 4 brothers and sisters after losing their mother shortly after their birth, by my friend Nicky.
This little bundle of ferocious cuddles, of intense playfulness, of feisty fighting, in all of this: she is not too much, she will never be too much and she can be all she is, I'm here for her to hold space for her being all she is and so much more. I know deep in my heart that this presence and love is what I, too, deserved as a child. I can still feel how small that version of me was, how undeserving I felt, how unwelcome I was and ultimately how unloved I was. My heart breaks for little me feeling all of those big feelings all alone with no support. I can feel how familiar those feelings still feel in certain circumstances when I don't feel safe. These patterns don't just disappear, they sit underneath, deep within our nervous systems that drive us to continue to minimise ourselves when we feel we are under threat. This makes us very vulnerable to being manipulated by anybody who is capable and willing to make us feel even a little threatened or uncomfortable. This is the kind of thing we uncover and release in this month's special offer reading & healing: Clear what's coming up... it's for the moment when something keeps coming up, an emotion, a reaction, a heavy feeling you just can't shift or you want help shifting completely.  Most people think they are living in one life. One timeline. One vibration. One story. But if you’ve ever thought, “Why does this part of my life work so beautifully… and this other part feel completely stuck?” you’ve already sensed the truth: You are not living in a single reality. You are living in layers of reality at the same time.  The Invisible Architecture of Your Life In my energy healing work, I don’t see one aura or one field. I see a stack of transparencies like multiple sheets of light layered on top of each other. Each layer governs a different part of your life:
Together they create your lived experience. But they do not always move together. This is why someone can be joyful but broke. Loved but unsafe. Successful but exhausted. Spiritual but unsupported. They are resonating on different timelines in different layers.  Why “Raising Your Vibration” Often Doesn’t Work Most manifestation and spiritual teachings assume reality is a single frequency. So they teach: Gratitude. Positivity. High vibration. Alignment. And yes these practices absolutely affect your emotional layer, your heart coherence, your joy field. But they do very little to touch:
Those live in a different layer, one that formed much earlier, in the body, in childhood, in survival. So people become: “grateful but struggling” “spiritual but over-giving” “positive but unsupported” Not because they are failing but because they are tuning/healing/fixing the wrong transparency. Trauma Locks Specific Layers Here is the part most people never learn: When something painful happens early in life, it doesn’t freeze your whole being. It freezes a specific layer. If you were only helped when you were overwhelmed, your receiving layer learns: “Support only comes when I collapse.” If you were loved for being good, your love layer learns: “I am chosen when I perform.” If you had to be strong, your support layer learns: “I don’t get to lean.” So you can heal:
and still unconsciously block:
because those layers are still protecting you from an old world that no longer exists. Why One Area of Life Keeps Lagging The nervous system does not average your vibration. It routes your life through the most unsafe layer. So if:
your life will keep creating:
until that one layer feels safe to open.  What Real Healing Looks Like
Real healing is not: “Think better thoughts.” It is: “Which layer learned to close — and why?” When we locate the layer that froze and gently release the protection around it, that part of reality moves into a new timeline. And when that happens, life begins to change without force. Money arrives. Support shows up. Opportunities open. Relationships shift. Your body relaxes. Not because you tried harder but because the gatekeeper layer finally stood down. You Are Not Broken You Are Multidimensional If one part of your life feels blocked, it doesn’t mean you are unhealed. It means one transparency still needs care. That is not failure. That is precision. And when you meet the right layer, everything changes.  I’m not sure how long the Earth has been patriarchal, tens of thousands of years? Hundreds of thousands? But what I do know, because my guides have shown me, is that humanity keeps cycling through the same patterns. The cycles go like this:
My guides tell me that we once inhabited Mars, destroyed its environment, making it uninhabitable, and destroyed ourselves with nuclear weapons. We’ve done it here on Earth too, several times, both on smaller scales and civilisation-ending ones. And on other planets as well. Time isn’t linear. It’s cyclical, just like the rest of nature. Humanity has been in this looping pattern forever replaying the same lessons, following the same trajectory and it looks like we’re unconsciously heading in that direction again. Isn’t it time we consciously choose something different? A different path? A different trajectory? A new story for humanity? We can change our direction. We can be different. We can do better than this.  I asked my guides how, and this is what they said: 1. The feminine must be honoured and valued for what she brings. Not only when she imitates masculinity, but for the deeply beneficial roles women play here:
When the feminine is honoured, humanity balances. 2. We must heal our patriarchal wounds: all of us. Men and women alike carry these wounds. Until we heal them, we react, triggered because of them, reinforcing and defending the very systems we want to dismantle. Our unhealed wounds keep patriarchal structures in place. 3. Good people must dream bigger for humanity and step into leadership. If we leave power in the hands of the psychopathic and grandiose, we can’t expect a different future. We need heart-led, wise, grounded leaders with compassion, courage, and big visions. 4. We must rebuild community, connection, and care. A world where no one is left out. This is the natural domain of the feminine not gender, but energy. And this becomes possible when the feminine is valued and allowed to stand in her true place.
 She thought they were her friends but they turned on her, bullying her, it made her so mad, she was angry. She told her mother that the kids were mean to her. Her mother shouted at her, telling her that she must have done something to make them be mean to her, she told her  "Stop lying! Stop crying!" She got the message loud & clear that she was the problem, that her wellbeing didn't matter, that she shouldn't be angry, that she shouldn't speak up, that she was lesser than everyone else.  Fast forward 30 years & yet another relationship is breaking down. Every time she is not happy she speaks up but then she gets the blame, he yells that she is the problem, that she's being crazy. Trauma leaves clues...  In this scenario the child had a healthy reaction to being bullied, she was angry, it was warranted, she had been hurt. She took that to her mother who, for whatever reason, did not listen to her, did not soothe her, did not meet her where she was at in order to help her make sense of what she was feeling & to figure out what she could do to empower herself in these situations. The mother thought that the child's behaviour was bad, but it was actually the mother's behaviour that was at fault. From this trauma a faulty rule book is born, the rulebook of what is right and wrong, of what is good behaviour & bad behaviour. This faulty rule book is then internalised & it is very confusing, because it negates how we truly feel & our inherent sense of what is right & wrong.  We gravitate toward people that feel familiar to us. We get into relationships & friendships with people that have similar internalised rule books. Those that are operating from the same paradigm & it feels normal to us. Then we experience the same behaviours from others that we experienced as a child. It is confirmed that it's not ok for us to speak up, that our feelings don't matter, that we are the problem & so it goes on & on & on... repeating patterns, until... YOU are the one that can change this pattern, you can break free of this now!  Facing the trauma that you experienced, making sense of it as a wise adult, rewriting your rule book & creating new patterns of being will set you free. When you do this, you will change your life, you will be drawn to a completely different kinds of people that match your new rule book.
Let's talk about how I can help you to release your trauma today, email me [email protected] or if you're ready to start right now |
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