I deserve amazing things, I know it, well, consciously at least. So why is it that I attract people around me who believe that I deserve nothing?
One example is when I used the last of my money to buy someone else a meal, for that same person to turn around & refuse to get me dinner a few hours later because I didn't have the money for it. I don't deserve to eat? Really?
Reflections like this, as much as they hurt deep to my core, reveal to me that I have a level of subconscious unworthiness going on.
To find this unworthiness required me to be very courageous & face the feelings, the worst feelings, that I have within me about myself. To not shy away from feeling them, to not avoid them. I meditated with the intention of feeling it all. Yes, I went there, even when my subconscious had me get up from my meditation every time I got close, I stuck at it. It was extremely emotional. I found little Claire hiding under a table there, just like she used to do as a child, petrified of her abusers. My subconscious mind was still talking to her in those same disparaging ways.
You deserve nothing. You don't even deserve to be alive. You don't deserve to eat. You don't deserve a house. You don't deserve a car. You don't deserve money. You don't deserve to be happy.
These are the voices of my childhood, my programming from birth. It was still right there in my subconscious mind, speaking to my inner child in that same way all of my life. You deserve nothing. I'm going to kill you.
I felt it all, it was soul destroying, but it also set me free.
I had a big cry, releasing the emotions connected with those beliefs, releasing the pain that hearing those words said to me as a child, letting it out so that it no longer eats away my worthiness inside of me. Then I went to the mirror & had a chat with my subconscious mind. I used my Self-Healing 101 process to clear my subconscious of these debilitating thoughts.
Now that I'm feeling better I am using practical processes to build my self-worth higher than it has ever been before, I have detailed these processes in my latest recording Tuning in to the Abundance Vibe, actual practical processes that you can turn to every day to feel better about yourself.
Self healing requires courage to face your deepest fears, your yuckiest feelings & to trust the process, the process that will set you free & bring bigger rewards than you can imagine.
I wish for this freedom for everyone. You deserve it. We deserve it.
1/9/2015 12:16:39 pm
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