For years, I centred men.

Their needs.
Their moods.
Their availability.
Their affection.
Their mixed messages.
Their potential.
Their crumbs.

I overgave.
I over-understood.
I made excuses.

I abandoned myself in the name of love more times than I care to admit.

And like many women who have done deep healing work, there came a point where I simply stopped.

I stopped centering men.
I stopped chasing connection that cost me my peace.
I stopped trying to prove my worth through how much I could love, hold, understand, forgive, or tolerate.

And instead…
I chose me.

My healing.
My nervous system.
My peace.

My routines.
My freedom.
My happiness.

My quiet mornings.
My coffee in my favourite café.
My beach walks.

My work.
My spiritual growth.
My emotional safety.

And now… apparently, my kitten, Mystic 😸💗

Honestly?
For perhaps the first time in my life, I became truly happy.
Not “I’ve convinced myself I’m fine” smiling happy.
Actually happy.

Peaceful.
Regulated.
Content.
Whole.

And from that place, I found myself saying something many women say:
“I’d rather be alone.”

And honestly?
Compared to what I had experienced before… that felt true.

Because when your history of love has involved chaos, self-abandonment, disappointment, emotional labour, hypervigilance, and giving far more than you receive…

of course being alone feels preferable.
Of course peace feels sacred.
Of course your nervous system wants to protect it.

Why would I willingly invite chaos back in?
Why would I compromise the happiness I fought so hard to create?
Why would I risk losing myself again?

And then…
I realised something.

Maybe the deepest truth isn’t:
“I’d rather be alone.”

Maybe the truth is:
“I’d rather be alone than lose myself again.”

And those are not the same thing.

That question landed hard.

Because if I’m really honest?
I don’t actually want to be alone forever.

I’d rather be deeply in love.
Deeply loved.
Met.
Chosen.
Safe.
Cherished.
Connected.

But only if it doesn’t cost me myself.

And I think this is where many healed women quietly sit.

Not unhappy.
Not desperate.
Not searching from lack.
Actually happy.
Actually whole.
Actually deeply content in the life they’ve created.

But perhaps carrying one unexamined protective belief:
Being alone is safer than intimacy.

And maybe for a season, that belief served us beautifully.

Solitude became sanctuary.
Healing happened there.
Self-trust was rebuilt there.
Joy was rediscovered there.

But healing also asks us to question the stories we tell ourselves.
Even the ones that once protected us.

So now I’m asking myself:
Is “I’d rather be alone” actually my truth?
Or is it a protective story my nervous system tells me so I don’t have to risk what my heart still quietly wants?

That’s not a question I’m answering today.
But it’s a powerful one.
Perhaps one worth asking yourself too.
​
💗 Claire Louise Hay

I owed myself the biggest apology for accepting what I didn't deserve.

I was going through life accepting whatever life threw at me, presuming that everything was a positive match for me if it was right in front of me, having no discernment, making no good choices for myself. I was just putting up with what life gave me & I was often disappointed.

I wondered why the universe thought I was a match to people who didn't respect me, who didn't treat me well.

(watch this week's guidance video about letting go of the old stories about disrespect)

When I had finally had enough of it & retreated back to myself, away from people, to get clear on what I wanted, it all became clear to me.

In that alone time, which took months, when I took care of myself to the highest standard I have ever taken care of myself, I got clear on what I wanted & what I deserved in my life.

You see I am great, I'm really great. I started to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with ME, with someone just like ME, to receive the love & care that I give in relationships. I started to imagine what it would be like to receive all of the love that I give out into the world back, to the same level, in my business, in my social life, in my relationships, from the whole universe. It felt so good that I was clear that this was what I wanted.

If I exist, then other people that are like me exist. The universe doesn't ever make one thing alone & leave it to wither & die because it doesn't have more of its kind to reproduce with, to create with. This is nature!

I waited, I was clear & I started making good decisions for myself, I started not only to say no to what I didn't want but to clearly show that I would not tolerate that disrespect. I was stronger in myself, in being myself, without caring about what anyone else wanted from me, because I knew what I wanted.

Little by little I started attracting more of my kind & life has never felt so good as it does right now.

Let go of your old stories of disrespect & tell your story of what you truly want then wait firm for it.

What do you really deserve in your life? Tell us in the comments