We all have insecurities. No matter what heights you reach in your life, the insecurities are always there. They are a form of protection, stopping us from doing something that might harm us, but they are also a way of getting us to reach even higher if we face them and then take action to overcome them. Yesterday I went shopping for a new bag. Surprisingly to me it was a traumatic experience. I went to my local outlet shopping mall and looked around all of the designer outlets to find a bag that felt like me. What I didn't expect to find were yucky insecure feelings. I thought I had worked on my self-worthiness so much lately that a bag shopping trip would be a cinch. But no, it seems that I can go into a luxury car shop and feel secure, I can go look around luxury houses and feel great about myself, but put me into a ladies shop and I crumble. I felt like a fraud. I felt like the tomboy kid again. I felt like the ladies in the store would tell me "I'm sorry, this is a ladies shop, there's nothing for you here!" I felt these feelings fully and pushed myself through them. I found 3 bags: 1. A black bag that I thought I should want. It wasn't me at all. 2. A blue slouchy bag that I was very comfortable with. 3. The lovely blue bag pictured above. I wanted to get #2 until I held it up in the mirror comparing it to #3 in front of me. I realised that #2 was comfortable because it dressed me down, it pandered to my insecurities, it had to go! I forced myself to get #3. This insecurity wasn't new to me. You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you that I only started to get my hair done last year, and even then I couldn't get a colour. Before that I would go to a barber, yes that's right, a barber, I had long hair and I had them cut it straight across the bottom, least fuss possible - that's where my girly-self-worth was at. I was a tomboy because only the boys were (are?) valued in my family/culture/religion. I was taught that girls had to beat the boys to be worthy and I was up for that challenge! Not only did I dress in a masculine way, I also chose the boys subjects at school, woodworking, design and technology, engineering. I thought that I was proving my worth more than the girly girls and I actively judged them for their prettiness and focus on beauty! For the last 10 years I lived in a place where anything goes, Byron Bay, some people didn't even get dressed at all, never mind take a pride in their appearance. It was the perfect place to pander to my insecurities. There's a standing joke in Byron, if anyone is dressed up in the slightest a local will ask "What are you in court for?" For those 10 years I could completely ignore my girly-self-worth issue. Then I moved here to the Gold Coast knowing that I wanted to take care of myself more. I started to wear my better clothes and decided to have a 1 in 1 out policy with my wardrobe: I would upgrade each item of clothing for something of quality that made me look great and I'd donate the old item to charity. Hence the bag shopping trip. I came back home with my new bag and downloaded all of my feelings to my partner's infinitely understanding ears. I decided to confront this insecurity and find a solution. Action always needs to be taken in order to find solutions and I find it best to get help from people who do not have the same insecurity: by osmosis you can learn how they stand in their power about the subject you crumble to. So my girly-self-worth action plan is as follows: Hire a stylist to take me shopping, tell me what suits me and hold my hand through my resistances. Get a make-up lesson and buy make-up that is suggested. Have a manicure and pedicure (I've never had a manicure in my life!) Have my hair coloured, cut and styled. Find new friends to go shopping with. Once I had written my plan I took action right away. I asked Facebook friends if they could recommend a stylist. I asked the universe for the $ to be able to get all the clothes suggested by her because releasing this insecurity is a necessity. I was put in touch with a stylist by a friend within 5 minutes and I made contact with her. I realised that I already know someone locally who uses and sells natural products and gives make-up lessons for $70. I felt like giving myself a DIY pedicure last night but I stopped myself. I am not settling for the easy option that panders to my insecurities anymore. This needs to be faced! Once I click publish on this blog I'm going to call and book 3 appointments that I have vouchers for already: A massage + chiropractic session. A hair appointment with foils, cut and style. A 100 minute pamper pack. All of these things had seemed like unnecessaries to me until now, and now I can see that the insecurity behind these very things have been holding me back. It's my experience that when I release any insecurity in this way, far more opens up in my life, more work, more abundance, more happiness, more friends, more opportunities, all kinds of things. What insecurities do you have? Are you ready to find a solution? Who do you know that doesn't have these insecurities that could help you? Are you open to getting help with it? I'd love to hear your answers if you would care to share in the comments below Take action today, even if it's just writing your action plan and setting a date for one step in your diary. The universe will start to bring solutions your way. I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how!
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Some of my deepest self-worth issue patterns came up this week and so I'd like to talk about this. Our life experiences are a reflection of the energy that we have within ourselves. Always. When we have low self-worth we follow patterns of trying to increase that self-worth by being told we are worthy by others through trying to prove it to them. These attempts to prove it to them so that they will tell us we are worthy never work because nobody can reflect back to us what we are not. Some of us take an independent stance. We become so independent that we don't even realise that we making others around us dependant on us. We take responsibility for everything. We provide for everyone. We do the work of 10 people and still they don't value us. Although this feels like independence it's not, independence is looking after yourself, not looking after yourself and 20 other people too. This is a pattern of care-taking others in the hope that they will value us so much that we believe it ourselves. It never works. Some of us protest what others are doing or not doing because deep inside we feel bad about doing or not doing those things ourselves. We hope that if we can persuade everyone else to change that we will feel better about ourselves - feel worthy. Some of us believe other peoples assessments of our own worthiness way too much. Even when we disagree with them, we take it on board deep inside. If someone has told us that we don't deserve something, we disagree on the face of it but then we think things like "I didn't want it anyway" "I shouldn't have wanted it" "What I have is better than that" Other people's assessments of our own worthiness is never about us and always about them and how they feel about themselves, yet we take it on board - especially from those we would like to receive love from. Some of us keep ourselves on the outer, we detach ourselves from others so that we cannot be judged by them as unworthy. We feel different from them, feel like everyone else understands how to live life and knows their worthiness apart from me. We feel like an alien in our own world, instead of realising we are the world. Personally I have tried all of these attempts to feel worthy, and many more, but none of them have worked because the only thing that will make you feel worthy is knowing and feeling this truth: You are worthy just because you are a magnificent child of the universe. The way that our higher selves see our worthiness can be best understood by us when we look at the energy of a queen. A queen is worthy just because of who she is. A queen is respected just because of who she is. A queen receives from many just because of who she is. It would be disrespectful for a queen to refuse to receive anything from anybody. A queen can achieve great things through inspiring. A queen has great self-worth, self-respect, self-confidence and it is mirrored back to her by the world. Meditate on the energy of the queen within you. Let this energy become you. This is alignment with your higher self. This is self-worth. I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! Fear of lack is one of the worst feelings that we have, and most of us have that feeling regularly. Fear of lack comes from a feeling that we need to do it all, it comes from a place of overwhelm and mistrust in the universe. When faced with this fear of lack the majority of us try to DO something about it. Haven't got enough love? Want a boyfriend? We go out and try to find one. Haven't got enough money? Want more money? We try to DO things to get more money. This never gets us what we want, because we are not working with our higher selves nor the universe when we try to do it ourselves from a place of bad feeling. We do this until we throw our arms up in to the air and give up saying ' "This is too hard! I can't DO it!" When we get to that point we are right, we can't DO it. So what can we do? What is the solution when we feel this fear of lack? Here are the 3 counter-intuitive steps that work every time if you stick to them. 1. Stop what you are doing and start to do something that makes you feel good. Ignore what is scaring you and focus your attention on something that you really love instead. Go for a walk in nature. Do some gardening. Do yoga. Paint a picture. Meditate. Have a swim. Do whatever takes all of your attention and makes you feel good. This step detaches you from the bad feeling that will block your progress every time. 2. Decide what you really want. What is the outcome you'd really like? If a magic wand was waived and you could have everything exactly how you wanted it, what would that look like? Most of us limit ourselves to imagining a struggle for what we want. What if you were to imagine everything magically falling into place for you with little effort. This step opens you up to allowing the universe to give you what you want in the easiest way possible. 3. Wait patiently for the inspiration to come. Keep doing steps 1 & 2 and wait patiently for the results to show or for the inspiration (the usual way it happens) to be planted directly into your mind by your higher self of the step you need to take to get there. Don't rush it. Be patient. The more you can let go in this step the quicker it will come to you, but the more you try to let go to make it come quicker the slower it will come. Just let go and wait patiently. Trust the universe. Trust your higher self! Let me know how these steps change your experience and let me know what you manifest with ease when you follow them! I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! There is an art to receiving that takes practice to perfect. On Christmas day we went to visit family and took a basket of gifts for them. Some people received their gifts graciously saying "Thank you" with a smile, it felt good to give to them. However, some received with a grimace saying "You shouldn't have" and made it quite clear how bad I was making them feel by giving them a gift. I agreed with them - I shouldn't have, I wish I hadn't given to them, there was no pleasure in making someone feel bad like that and I have no wish to do it again. The universe is no different. It wants to give everything to us. Can we receive graciously? When you receive something, a compliment, a gift, a prize, some charity, ... what do you say or think? "Thank you ... I really needed it (but I wouldn't allow myself to get it for myself)" I'll use it for something important (and not for my frivolous self)" I'll pay it forward (I won't keep it for myself)" I'll help others with it (I don't deserve it but others do)" You shouldn't have (I'm not worthy unless I return a gift)" I'll do something for you in return (I am not worthy to just receive)" What do you add to your thank you? When anything is added to your thank you, you are taking the joy away from the giver and they will not continue to give when you make them feel bad for it. And that includes the universe - it wants to give to us, it knows we are worthy, but it will not, can not give to us when we will not just accept it, allow it, with a simple "Thank you" If you want to receive something from the universe then say "Thank you" for it before you even have it, don't justify it, don't want to give it away, know that you deserve it, that you are worthy and just say "Thank you" as you visualise receiving it. The universe wants to GIVE to YOU Will you ALLOW it? Practice the art of receiving graciously and just say "Thank you" every time you receive anything from anyone. Become aware of what you are thinking or saying around that thank you, are you adding something on to it? Face the lack of self-worth that your add-on is showing you and release it. You are worthy just for who you are: a magnificent child of the universe worthy of love, abundance and support. No justifications required. I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! Many of us, especially women, do not know how to receive from the universe or from the universe through other people. We cut ourselves off from source, which IS abundance, by not being able to fully receive that abundance that is source. This is something that I have personally struggled with all of my life. I have had so much pain connected with receiving, or rather, not receiving. It has been a personal mission of mine to uncover the source of this issue and release it within myself and to help others do the same. Here is a meditation that has helped me through this issue and has allowed me to start to receive all the good that the universe has to offer me. I hope that it helps you, too. Find a comfortable place, either sitting or lying down. Maybe light a candle, or burn your favourite essential oil. Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths. Say each of these sentences in turn on every out breath, fully feeling each word contained within. Feel your body's response to the words, feel for any constriction or tension. "The universe gives me everything that I want" "I allow myself to receive it all" "I am honoured. Thank you" As you repeat these sentences you will begin to gain a greater understanding of what it means for the universe to GIVE, without trade, without barter, without justification, just giving. You will start to feel what it means to RECEIVE when something is given freely by another. Feel any constriction in your breath as you say these words. Many of us are holding on to emotional pain connected with receiving - especially women. For me it felt like a constriction of my chest, making my in-breath difficult, like the feeling of grief has on your chest. I felt the same constriction in my throat, again, of grief that was unexpressed. As you feel whatever emotional pain you find, allow it to come out in any way you want it to, cry, cough, sigh,... As you allow it to come out name it "All of this pain, grief, fear, sadness, is being released now" Visualise a bright white light of joy coming into your body with every in breath, and the pain being released from your body in the out breath. Continue to either say the mantra out loud or just in your mind. Feel the peace and joy contained within those words. You are a divine child of the universe and the universe has been trying to give you everything that you have ever wanted. It's your time to receive, to allow yourself to accept your divinity, to allow the universe to honour you. Use this mantra whenever you feel fear, scarcity, lack, unworthy, etc. Allow the truth of it to override your minds lies. I'm Claire Louise Hay, I help you claim your true power to manifest the life of your dreams through self-awareness and alignment with your higher self. Want to work with me? Click here to find out how! |
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