We all have insecurities. No matter what heights you reach in your life, the insecurities are always there. They are a form of protection, stopping us from doing something that might harm us, but they are also a way of getting us to reach even higher if we face them and then take action to overcome them.
Yesterday I went shopping for a new bag. Surprisingly to me it was a traumatic experience. I went to my local outlet shopping mall and looked around all of the designer outlets to find a bag that felt like me.
What I didn't expect to find were yucky insecure feelings.
I thought I had worked on my self-worthiness so much lately that a bag shopping trip would be a cinch. But no, it seems that I can go into a luxury car shop and feel secure, I can go look around luxury houses and feel great about myself, but put me into a ladies shop and I crumble.
I felt like a fraud. I felt like the tomboy kid again. I felt like the ladies in the store would tell me "I'm sorry, this is a ladies shop, there's nothing for you here!"
I felt these feelings fully and pushed myself through them. I found 3 bags:
1. A black bag that I thought I should want. It wasn't me at all.
2. A blue slouchy bag that I was very comfortable with.
3. The lovely blue bag pictured above.
I wanted to get #2 until I held it up in the mirror comparing it to #3 in front of me. I realised that #2 was comfortable because it dressed me down, it pandered to my insecurities, it had to go! I forced myself to get #3.
This insecurity wasn't new to me. You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you that I only started to get my hair done last year, and even then I couldn't get a colour. Before that I would go to a barber, yes that's right, a barber, I had long hair and I had them cut it straight across the bottom, least fuss possible - that's where my girly-self-worth was at.
I was a tomboy because only the boys were (are?) valued in my family/culture/religion. I was taught that girls had to beat the boys to be worthy and I was up for that challenge! Not only did I dress in a masculine way, I also chose the boys subjects at school, woodworking, design and technology, engineering. I thought that I was proving my worth more than the girly girls and I actively judged them for their prettiness and focus on beauty!
For the last 10 years I lived in a place where anything goes, Byron Bay, some people didn't even get dressed at all, never mind take a pride in their appearance. It was the perfect place to pander to my insecurities. There's a standing joke in Byron, if anyone is dressed up in the slightest a local will ask "What are you in court for?" For those 10 years I could completely ignore my girly-self-worth issue. Then I moved here to the Gold Coast knowing that I wanted to take care of myself more. I started to wear my better clothes and decided to have a 1 in 1 out policy with my wardrobe: I would upgrade each item of clothing for something of quality that made me look great and I'd donate the old item to charity. Hence the bag shopping trip.
I came back home with my new bag and downloaded all of my feelings to my partner's infinitely understanding ears. I decided to confront this insecurity and find a solution. Action always needs to be taken in order to find solutions and I find it best to get help from people who do not have the same insecurity: by osmosis you can learn how they stand in their power about the subject you crumble to.
So my girly-self-worth action plan is as follows:
Hire a stylist to take me shopping, tell me what suits me and hold my hand through my resistances.
Get a make-up lesson and buy make-up that is suggested.
Have a manicure and pedicure (I've never had a manicure in my life!)
Have my hair coloured, cut and styled.
Find new friends to go shopping with.
Once I had written my plan I took action right away. I asked Facebook friends if they could recommend a stylist. I asked the universe for the $ to be able to get all the clothes suggested by her because releasing this insecurity is a necessity. I was put in touch with a stylist by a friend within 5 minutes and I made contact with her. I realised that I already know someone locally who uses and sells natural products and gives make-up lessons for $70.
I felt like giving myself a DIY pedicure last night but I stopped myself. I am not settling for the easy option that panders to my insecurities anymore. This needs to be faced!
Once I click publish on this blog I'm going to call and book 3 appointments that I have vouchers for already:
A massage + chiropractic session.
A hair appointment with foils, cut and style.
A 100 minute pamper pack.
All of these things had seemed like unnecessaries to me until now, and now I can see that the insecurity behind these very things have been holding me back. It's my experience that when I release any insecurity in this way, far more opens up in my life, more work, more abundance, more happiness, more friends, more opportunities, all kinds of things.
What insecurities do you have?
Are you ready to find a solution?
Who do you know that doesn't have these insecurities that could help you?
Are you open to getting help with it?
I'd love to hear your answers if you would care to share in the comments below
Take action today, even if it's just writing your action plan and setting a date for one step in your diary. The universe will start to bring solutions your way.
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