 At my partners family events we used to play this game: try to get his sister to ask how you are. This game started long before I joined in. The empaths in the family would try to get the narcissist to have a 2 way conversation. Each empath would try, but she would never ask about the other person. In that family dynamic my partner, his mum, his brother & I were the empaths. His father and sister were narcissists. When there was a shared humour between us empaths it was easier not to take their behaviour personally. We were there for each other, to validate each other's experiences, she really didn't ever ask about anyone else, it was all about her.  I grew up in a different dynamic. I was the only empath amongst narcissists. There was no safety & certainly no humour to be found. Within the dynamic it was very difficult to ascertain my own reality when I was being told that I'm too sensitive, "that didn't hurt", words don't hurt people, that it could be worse, that they are good people & other people are worse. The few times I went away on school trips, without my brother being there, there was a slight reprieve, I would always cry when I returned home not really understanding my tears or my feelings of not wanting to be there. It was only once I lived outside of the family home at university with other people that I realised it wasn't true, other people weren't worse than them. I had a taste of kind hearted, generous, loving people & so began piecing myself back together again.  Unfortunately I didn't take it one step further & disconnect completely from my family. I can look back wishing I had, but this was back in the 1980's, there were no narciccistic abuse books, YouTube channels or even therapists who could help. I was one, amongst many, who had to heal ourselves with whatever help we could get. I wish I knew back then that healing is only possible with no contact. I understood eventually, that I could not be present, could not be fully functional, could not be there for other people, while I was under constant attack. With great guilt & shame I disconnected & I began the real work of healing. I picked myself up, I faced my feelings, feelings that I had been told, didn't matter, I had even had it screamed in my face "I don't fucking care how you feel!" I realised that my feelings did matter, and that it was ok to feel them, that I was human to feel them. The dehumanised part of me, that allowed me to be victim to the constant bullying, belittlement, gaslighting, devaluation, she was loved by me, until she realised she actually wasn't the problem after all.  Many years into this healing I quit drinking alcohol, the substance that I had used to take the edge off the constant social anxiety and other feelings that were just too hard back then to fully feel. I found Muay Thai kickboxing which made me feel powerful, strong, able to handle myself in any situation. I became someone who cannot be bullied anymore. I became very strong, strong enough to confront others when I see bad behaviour, strong enough to stand up for other people being bullied, strong enough to call people out when they are being cruel. It's amazing how the bullies & narcissists flee once you are strong. Their fragile sense of ego, that has to make them right, that has to make it all about them, it cannot handle someone who might tell the truth, who might stand up to them. This is intolerable to their ego, they must remain in control by avoidance. Their avoidance is good for me too. I know that I deserve to have good people in my life, who do fucking care about how I feel, who even ask me in healthy 2 way conversations how I feel, without it having to be a game to coax it out of them. I choose people who have empathetic hearts, who are open, who can talk about things openly to solve problems when they come up. I choose people who are able to love & who offer love in relationships, any kind of relationships. I now notice the signs, more quickly than ever, of narcissistic traits. Nobody has the right to bully me or abuse me. Nobody. It doesn't matter how much DNA we share. Nobody has the right to abuse me. Nobody.
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