I have 2 stories to tell you, 2 stories that until today I have not linked, but now has me questioning "Do 50% of humans not have empathy?

"My therapist said that I'm a psychopath!" my colleague on arriving into the office one morning, I was the only one there. My mind was racing, aren't psychopaths serial killers, should I be scared right now? My response was "Huh? You're a serial killer?" This seemed at odds with my feeling & experience of him as a very intellligent, funny, deep guy, who I liked, very much. He said no, he tried to explain it to me this way, "Claire, how do you know the difference between good & bad?" I said it's inside of me, I just know, I feel it. He said "Yes, it's that, I don't have that, I don't know the difference between good and bad unless I have been told what is good or bad. Then I have a choice of doing the good thing or not" I was amazed "So you could do anything & not feel bad about it?" He said "Yes, but I know not to do the bad things, because I've been told not to" 
So his therapist said that this is a psychopath diagnosis, I think more reasonably called a non-empath, somebody who doesn't feel for other people, so they don't have an inner feeling of wrong & right.

"Just fall in love with that guy Claire" said my friend about a mutual friend that we knew. My visceral reaction was to look at her curiously as if she had just said "Just fly up to the moon & back Claire" How could I decide to fall in love with some guy like that? That's not how love works, faking in love is not something I choose to do, it's something that I feel that I have no control over. Now I can choose to love, but falling in love, that's a totally different experience, and out of my control. Oh romance would be so much easier if I could choose who to fall in love with! It had me go down this rabbit hole of learning about limerence.
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A scientist interviewed a lot of people, asking them about their experiences falling in love. He was surprised to learn that all of the people he interviewed fell into 2 different experiences of love. Some were limerent, meaning that they fell in love, a feeling that took over them about somebody else they didn't choose logically, these people were prone to obsessive thoughts about their person, in fact it could take over everything in their life for a while. The people who were in the other camp, they chose somebody & developed a relationship with them which turned into feelings of connection and what they called love. But they don't have that overwhelming feeling of falling in love. When asked what they think of romantic movies about falling in love, their response would be "I always thought it was just that, a movie, make believe, that people didn't really experience this, like Santa"

Dr Ramani, the world expert on Narcissism, specifically in healing from narcissistic abuse, has said anywhere from 1 in 6 showing narcissistic traits to I think 1 in 20 being diagnosable narcissists. I think this is a guess, I haven't heard of any studies having found this out.
​I believe that Narcissism, Psychopathy, Abusers, I think all of these may be found in the non-empath camp. What if non-empathy is the personality type & it can manifest as harmful (to others) behaviour if they weren't brought up right, or had a lack of religion, or just a lack of anybody teaching them right from wrong, or perhaps being taught by society or others around them that it's right or at least ok to harm others?
What if the apparent rise of these narcissistic traits is not because there are more non-empaths than ever, but because of the fall in religion, the fall in parents having more time with their children to bring them up, capitalism rewarding narcissistic behaviour, algorithms rewarding narcissistic behaviour? What if it is being encouraged in them & this is why we are seeing the negative manifestation of non-empathy?

I often wondered what the difference was between me & my brother, how we could have grown up along side each other experiencing the same abuse, or very similar, and he chose to abuse too, whereas I would never want anybody to experience what I experienced & to feel that way.
I wondered why when my ex husband had experienced his first child being turned against him, would he do the exact same thing to me "But you know how this feels" I said "why would you do the same thing to me?" I could never figure out why people often would not do the same thing that I would,

The personality trait of empathy a feeling state that drives empaths, it causes us to never want to harm someone, never want others to feel bad, most definitely if we have felt something previously as the victim of it. It causes us to inherently do the right thing by others & by the world.
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But this same personality trait is lacking in what percentage of people? 
If limerence is a side effect of empathy, then we are looking at 50% of people having empathy & 50% of people not having empathy.

Single empaths are having a terrible time dating right now, because there are so many narcissists out there. Take a look at any social media post about it, read the comments & you will find men calling out all women as being narcissists, and the women calling out all the men as being narcissists, but they're pointing at the wrong trait. It's not about gender, it's about non-empathy & if we can discern non-empathy in people then not get into relationships with them, not friendships or romantic relationships then we will experience better. If we can discern empathy in people & choose these ones to have friendships & romantic relationships with (& yes, limerents this means not trusting your feelings because you can fall in love with either very easily!) then we will have much better relationships.

I do want to mention here that this isn't about good or bad people. Non-empaths exist & the universe doesn't make mistakes. They are awesome at business, clearly that they don't take others feelings into account is a gift that can have them focus on building things, creating things. Sure these things might harm people, like giant  corporations that make highly addictive non-food products that destroy our health, and their buddies giant pharmaceutical companies selling the products that still keep you just sick enough to keep needing them but never healthy again,  & the people they pay to sell their junk, government organisations, health-care systems, mainstream media,... Did you ever wonder why there is an organisation called the Food & Drug Administration? Why would those 2 things be linked together?

What if the non-empaths were never supposed to be making the decisions? What if they don't make good leaders? Why would someone who doesn't take into account the people be the right person to be a leader in anything? What if empaths should be the ones making the decisions, leading the way? What if the empaths decide what is right and wrong, and then steer the non-empaths to shine their awesomeness in the right direction for humanity?

Wouldn't that create a much better balance for everybody thriving? Wouldn't that be evolution?

As long as disregard for people & the planets wellbeing is being rewarded, profit no matter what & once you have the money you have the power & can therefore decide, we are on a terrible trajectory. We are clearly in  process of devolution right now, things are getting worse.

I have hope that people with empathy will recognise how valuable our traits are, & that they are essential to the collective. I have hope that we will rise up & be the decision makers. Not to make non-empaths wrong: but to work together for the benefit of everybody. I have hope. I also hope that it doesn't require even more devastation than we already have to get to this point of change.

At my partners family events we used to play this game: try to get his sister to ask how you are. This game started long before I joined in. The empaths in the family would try to get the narcissist to have a 2 way conversation. Each empath would try, but she would never ask about the other person. In that family dynamic my partner, his mum, his brother & I were the empaths. His father and sister were narcissists. When there was a shared humour between us empaths it was easier not to take their behaviour personally. We were there for each other, to validate each other's experiences, she really didn't ever ask about anyone else, it was all about her.

I grew up in a different dynamic. I was the only empath amongst narcissists. There was no safety & certainly no humour to be found. Within the dynamic it was very difficult to ascertain my own reality when I was being told that I'm too sensitive, "that didn't hurt", words don't hurt people, that it could be worse, that they are good people & other people are worse. The few times I went away on school trips, without my brother being there, there was a slight reprieve, I would always cry when I returned home not really understanding my tears or my feelings of not wanting to be there. It was only once I lived outside of the family home at university with other people that I realised it wasn't true, other people weren't worse than them. I had a taste of kind hearted, generous, loving people & so began piecing myself back together again.

Unfortunately I didn't take it one step further & disconnect completely from my family. I can look back wishing I had, but this was back in the 1980's, there were no narciccistic abuse books, YouTube channels or even therapists who could help. I was one, amongst many, who had to heal ourselves with whatever help we could get. I wish I knew back then that healing is only possible with no contact.
I understood eventually, that I could not be present, could not be fully functional, could not be there for other people, while I was under constant attack. With great guilt & shame I disconnected & I began the real work of healing.

I picked myself up, I faced my feelings, feelings that I had been told, didn't matter, I had even had it screamed in my face "I don't fucking care how you feel!" I realised that my feelings did matter, and that it was ok to feel them, that I was human to feel them. The dehumanised part of me, that allowed me to be victim to the constant bullying, belittlement, gaslighting, devaluation, she was loved by me, until she realised she actually wasn't the problem after all.

Many years into this healing I quit drinking alcohol, the substance that I had used to take the edge off the constant social anxiety and other feelings that were just too hard back then to fully feel. I found Muay Thai kickboxing which made me feel powerful, strong, able to handle myself in any situation. I became someone who cannot be bullied anymore. I became very strong, strong enough to confront others when I see bad behaviour, strong enough to stand up for other people being bullied, strong enough to call people out when they are being cruel. 

It's amazing how the bullies & narcissists flee once you are strong. Their fragile sense of ego, that has to make them right, that has to make it all about them, it cannot handle someone who might tell the truth, who might stand up to them. This is intolerable to their ego, they must remain in control by avoidance.

Their avoidance is good for me too. I know that I deserve to have good people in my life, who do fucking care about how I feel, who even ask me in healthy 2 way conversations how I feel, without it having to be a game to coax it out of them. I choose people who have empathetic hearts, who are open, who can talk about things openly to solve problems when they come up. I choose people who are able to love & who offer love in relationships, any kind of relationships. I now notice the signs, more quickly than ever, of narcissistic traits.

Nobody has the right to bully me or abuse me. Nobody. It doesn't matter how much DNA we share. Nobody has the right to abuse me. Nobody.