 Have you ever noticed that you seem to take responsibility for everything? Not just your own life. Other people's feelings. Other people's problems. Other people's happiness. Other people's healing. You tell yourself you'll stop doing it. You set boundaries. You remind yourself that other adults are responsible for themselves. And yet somehow, you find yourself carrying things that were never yours to carry. Most people think this is a behaviour problem. I don't. I think it's often a nervous system pattern.  The Hidden Pattern Started Long Ago When a child grows up with emotionally available, emotionally responsible adults, they get to be a child. They get to cry. They get to make mistakes. They get to feel scared. They get to relax. Their nervous system learns something very important: "Someone has got this." But if there isn't an emotionally responsible adult present, something different can happen. Especially if the child is naturally empathic, sensitive and emotionally intelligent. The child begins to notice what nobody else is noticing. The tension. The moods. The unspoken emotions. The problems that aren't being addressed. And slowly, often without realising it, they step into a role that was never meant to be theirs. They become the responsible one.  The Real Cost Isn't Just Emotional Most people understand the emotional cost of this. What they don't often see is the nervous system cost. A nervous system develops through experience. If your early experience taught you that nobody was fully holding the situation, your nervous system may never have learned what true relaxation feels like. You never felt a genuine, embodied sense that: "I don't have to hold everything together." Instead, vigilance becomes normal. Responsibility becomes normal. Monitoring everyone else becomes normal. Stress becomes normal. What feels exhausting to someone else can feel completely familiar to you. Because it became your baseline.  The Hidden Pattern That Hardens The Heart Many women who carry responsibility for everyone else become incredibly compassionate toward others. They make excuses for people. They understand everyone's pain. They forgive again and again. They become experts at seeing the wounded child inside everyone. But often they do this at a cost. In order to keep loving others, they learn to numb themselves to the hurt they are experiencing. They stop listening to their own pain. They stop honouring their own needs. They stop taking their own feelings seriously. And so something strange happens. They become unconditionally loving toward everyone else. While becoming deeply conditional toward themselves.  Healing Isn't About Becoming Less Loving Many women worry that if they stop taking responsibility for everyone else they will become selfish. That isn't what happens. Healing doesn't make you less loving. It makes your love cleaner. You stop carrying what isn't yours. You stop rescuing. You stop over-functioning. You stop protecting people from the consequences of their own choices. And as you release responsibility for everyone else, something beautiful happens. You finally begin taking responsibility for yourself. Your own feelings. Your own needs. Your own heart. And for perhaps the first time in your life, your nervous system begins to learn: "I don't have to hold everything together anymore."
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 Recently, I found myself completely depleted by a situation that technically had nothing to do with me. I wasn't directly involved, but people turned to me for the resolution. It wasn't mine to fix. I knew that. And yet my body reacted as though it was. I took it on! My nervous system was on edge for hours afterwards. I could feel my blood pressure elevated. I couldn’t shake it off. I replayed the situation in my mind. I slept badly. Even though, intellectually, I knew something very important: I was not responsible. These were adults. Their emotions were theirs. Their choices were theirs. It was theirs to resolve themselves. Their consequences were theirs to learn from. And yet… my nervous system had already stepped into a role I know far too well. Handle this. Fix this. Regulate this. Protect everyone. That was the real revelation. Because consciously, I no longer believe I am responsible for everyone. I have done enough healing to know that. And yet in that moment, my body told a different story. A much older story. The story of being parentified.
And that last one is the one that landed hardest for me: I don’t just help. I absorb it all. I'll catch the grenades that everyone else is throwing then swallow them like a cartoon super woman and hold the explosion inside of me so that nobody but me gets hurt. That was my survival strategy. And survival strategies can become incredibly sophisticated adult identities.
But beneath that capability can be a nervous system that still believes: If someone is dysregulated, I must do something. Even when logically, you know you do not. This is why insight alone doesn’t always create freedom. Because your nervous system doesn’t care what you logically know. It responds to what it learned was necessary for survival. And this is where so many hyper-capable women get stuck.
And yet when life happens? Their body still activates the old role.
Maybe this shows up for you as:
If this is you, please know:
This is exactly the kind of work I do inside Inner Child Reclamation.  I’m not sure how long the Earth has been patriarchal, tens of thousands of years? Hundreds of thousands? But what I do know, because my guides have shown me, is that humanity keeps cycling through the same patterns. The cycles go like this:
My guides tell me that we once inhabited Mars, destroyed its environment, making it uninhabitable, and destroyed ourselves with nuclear weapons. We’ve done it here on Earth too, several times, both on smaller scales and civilisation-ending ones. And on other planets as well. Time isn’t linear. It’s cyclical, just like the rest of nature. Humanity has been in this looping pattern forever replaying the same lessons, following the same trajectory and it looks like we’re unconsciously heading in that direction again. Isn’t it time we consciously choose something different? A different path? A different trajectory? A new story for humanity? We can change our direction. We can be different. We can do better than this.  I asked my guides how, and this is what they said: 1. The feminine must be honoured and valued for what she brings. Not only when she imitates masculinity, but for the deeply beneficial roles women play here:
When the feminine is honoured, humanity balances. 2. We must heal our patriarchal wounds: all of us. Men and women alike carry these wounds. Until we heal them, we react, triggered because of them, reinforcing and defending the very systems we want to dismantle. Our unhealed wounds keep patriarchal structures in place. 3. Good people must dream bigger for humanity and step into leadership. If we leave power in the hands of the psychopathic and grandiose, we can’t expect a different future. We need heart-led, wise, grounded leaders with compassion, courage, and big visions. 4. We must rebuild community, connection, and care. A world where no one is left out. This is the natural domain of the feminine not gender, but energy. And this becomes possible when the feminine is valued and allowed to stand in her true place.
 As you sow, so shall you reap. Man can make their own rules for life as much as they like, saying that hate speech is allowed because of freedom of speech, but man cannot circumvent the spiritual law of karma. Think of this law of karma as the spiritual equivalent of Newton’s Law of Motion. “For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.” When we create a negative force in thought, word, or action, the consequences of that negative energy comes to us, not to who it was directed at. Words are not just a 3 dimensional way of communicating with each other and the only consequences of those words will be from whomever hears them and takes action on them. We might think we live in a 3 dimensional reality but we don't. There is a power in words, every religion speaks of it, be it spells or prayer. Words said out loud hold a power that instructs reality. When we use positive words we gain blessings, this is good or light magic. When we use negative words we experience punishments, this is dark magic. What we speak out doesn't happen outside of us, it happens to us!  I have often talked of lessons, and I would have previously worded that last sentence as "When we use negative words we experience lessons" But I don't want good people to think that their lessons in life are some kind of punishment, because they are not. We are all here to learn, but lessons are often not punishments. I am currently writing my next book and there is a passage in it on the power of words. My guides were clear that there are punishments that are handed out to those who disobey the Lores, spiritual laws that have been repeated in every religion, such as love your neighbour as yourself. These Lores are spoken of for a reason: it's a code to live by so that you gain blessings and so that you don't receive punishments - the consequences of your words and actions. We very rarely see the correlation of results of the law of karma and the words that created it, because often negative words are concealed, only a few people hear them, the negativity stays at home, just for the family to hear. However, today we all get to see, read and hear what everyone is saying. As a result we can clearly see the law of karma taking place. Wish harm on somebody with your thoughts, words and actions and that very same energy is sent back to you. It's a spiritual law. It's futile to spend time talking about how it shouldn't be so, and freedom of speech and all of that, but the universe will not change its laws, no matter how much you would like it to. A good citizen is not somebody who breaks the laws of their country. A good Christian is not someone who breaks the laws of their religion. A good human being is not someone who breaks the laws of the universe. We are ascending right now, the whole Earth, if you continue to think in a 3 dimensional way, as if we are all machines instead of the spiritual creator beings that we are, then you might get caught on the wrong side of the spiritual laws. We are creator spiritual beings, our thoughts, words and actions create and if you look for it you will see much faster karma taking place as we ascend. Be careful of your thoughts and your words, use them to create good in the world. I'll get back to finishing writing this book now! It seems it is needed more than ever. Watch this space!
 Uncle Bill bought Park Lane and Mayfair early in the game and now he has so many properties that you're paying him rent at every turn, you're out of money and so he lets you trade what little else you have left to pay him... You know how it goes in those end games of Monopoly. The writing is on the wall. There is nothing you can do, but keep paying Uncle Bill, hating him more and more as he delights in bringing everyone else to their knees. But he wants the glory, he wants to play until the end, until nobody has anything left and he has it all. That's what's going on in the world right now. Capitalism's endless growth means that Uncle Bill gets everything and they relentlessly play on, while everyone else is already on their knees.  What a dreadful time to be alive on this planet to trying to survive this. Yet what an incredible time to be alive, too. Clearly change is coming, a revolution is brewing. People don't just keep calm and carry on when they have to work 3 jobs just to be able to eat and have a roof over their head just so that the rich can continue to amass all of the money for themselves. What can we do? My guides assure me that we have a very bright future. We have all the resources and technology on this planet for every single person to live an incredible life of joy and abundance, but the systems in place right now need to break apart so that we can ALL enjoy the abundance that Gaia has for us. Gaia gives plenty for every man, woman, child and creature on this planet and she is not so happy with how things have been going lately. Who do they think they are claiming that they own the resources of the planet and we can't have it unless we give up every hour of our waking days in toil for a little of it? Gaia feels our energy, the energy of every single being on this planet and she lovingly wants us all to feel much better than we have been feeling. She has also heard our cries of pain. Some messages from Gaia: It is not a personal failing to not be able to manifest abundance right now. It is the systems that are broken, not you. Gaia wants you all to have access to the abundance that she offers and so the systems must fall so that positive change can happen. Tend to your nervous system, do whatever you can to feel better through this transitional time. Try not to find your safety and security through those old systems because they will fail you. Find your safety within and amongst kind hearted people. Be there for each other through this. Heal yourself, challenging times bring up our issues to be dealt with. When the energy is as intense as it is right now, it's important to heal these wounds from the past, from your childhood, from the relationships you've had with those without empathy, from the circumstances you've been in where your power has been taken away. Your true power lies within. Both Gaia and Source favour those who hold the light. You will be provided for. Every person has chosen which direction they want to go in, based on either holding this light, in a spiritual sense, doing the right thing, or holding the darkness, not caring about doing the right thing, using control to win. So distance yourself from those holding the dark energy, don't try to receive from them, don't give to them and try not to rely on what they make or the services they provide. Don't feed their power. You cannot receive from within these dark systems, nor from those without empathy. Band together with those holding the light and those with empathy, help each other out, use their services, buy their offerings, rely on them alone. Be discerning as to whose energy you exchange with, get to know who is growing your food, steer clear of buying anything from anyone just trying to make a profit regardless of your health and the Earth's health. Be conscious in your choices, in every choice you make to choose only from those who hold the light. This will make this transition easier for you to go through.  With all this in mind I have added a by-donation reading/energy healing to my offerings. Pay little if you have little, pay plenty if you have plenty. I will ask your higher self what you most need right now, a reading, an energy healing, or both and deliver it to you, within 48 hours (often much sooner).
I recognise that our spiritual work right now is THE most important to attend to, however, with money being quite rightly spent on food and accomodation first, it can be scary to seek the help that you might need. I am here to help, to help everyone I can help. Please share this with anybody who might need this by-donation service at the moment. Let's help each other to get through this difficult time. |
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