 At my partners family events we used to play this game: try to get his sister to ask how you are. This game started long before I joined in. The empaths in the family would try to get the narcissist to have a 2 way conversation. Each empath would try, but she would never ask about the other person. In that family dynamic my partner, his mum, his brother & I were the empaths. His father and sister were narcissists. When there was a shared humour between us empaths it was easier not to take their behaviour personally. We were there for each other, to validate each other's experiences, she really didn't ever ask about anyone else, it was all about her.  I grew up in a different dynamic. I was the only empath amongst narcissists. There was no safety & certainly no humour to be found. Within the dynamic it was very difficult to ascertain my own reality when I was being told that I'm too sensitive, "that didn't hurt", words don't hurt people, that it could be worse, that they are good people & other people are worse. The few times I went away on school trips, without my brother being there, there was a slight reprieve, I would always cry when I returned home not really understanding my tears or my feelings of not wanting to be there. It was only once I lived outside of the family home at university with other people that I realised it wasn't true, other people weren't worse than them. I had a taste of kind hearted, generous, loving people & so began piecing myself back together again.  Unfortunately I didn't take it one step further & disconnect completely from my family. I can look back wishing I had, but this was back in the 1980's, there were no narciccistic abuse books, YouTube channels or even therapists who could help. I was one, amongst many, who had to heal ourselves with whatever help we could get. I wish I knew back then that healing is only possible with no contact. I understood eventually, that I could not be present, could not be fully functional, could not be there for other people, while I was under constant attack. With great guilt & shame I disconnected & I began the real work of healing. I picked myself up, I faced my feelings, feelings that I had been told, didn't matter, I had even had it screamed in my face "I don't fucking care how you feel!" I realised that my feelings did matter, and that it was ok to feel them, that I was human to feel them. The dehumanised part of me, that allowed me to be victim to the constant bullying, belittlement, gaslighting, devaluation, she was loved by me, until she realised she actually wasn't the problem after all.  Many years into this healing I quit drinking alcohol, the substance that I had used to take the edge off the constant social anxiety and other feelings that were just too hard back then to fully feel. I found Muay Thai kickboxing which made me feel powerful, strong, able to handle myself in any situation. I became someone who cannot be bullied anymore. I became very strong, strong enough to confront others when I see bad behaviour, strong enough to stand up for other people being bullied, strong enough to call people out when they are being cruel. It's amazing how the bullies & narcissists flee once you are strong. Their fragile sense of ego, that has to make them right, that has to make it all about them, it cannot handle someone who might tell the truth, who might stand up to them. This is intolerable to their ego, they must remain in control by avoidance. Their avoidance is good for me too. I know that I deserve to have good people in my life, who do fucking care about how I feel, who even ask me in healthy 2 way conversations how I feel, without it having to be a game to coax it out of them. I choose people who have empathetic hearts, who are open, who can talk about things openly to solve problems when they come up. I choose people who are able to love & who offer love in relationships, any kind of relationships. I now notice the signs, more quickly than ever, of narcissistic traits. Nobody has the right to bully me or abuse me. Nobody. It doesn't matter how much DNA we share. Nobody has the right to abuse me. Nobody.
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 A limited mindset convinces us that our daily experiences will always stay the same, leaving us stuck in a cycle that feels like Groundhog Day. When we don’t strive for more, we end up repeating the same patterns over and over. But the moment we aim higher, we start finding ways to achieve our new goals. Once we reach them, it’s time to set even bigger ones, pushing ourselves further. If we aren’t focused on growth, we won’t see the opportunities that lead us there.  Three weeks ago, I set a new financial goal for my business—a weekly target. Once I committed to that goal, I felt inspired to take action in several ways: I created and listed my abundance blueprint for sale, restarted writing these blogs, reached out to a few entrepreneurial friends, and reconnected with some former clients. I followed through on all of it, and by the end of the second week, I had reached my goal. Now, it's time to set a new challenge: doubling my previous goal. It feels achievable but still just beyond my current reach.  Often, when we reach a goal, we forget to celebrate. We get comfortable at that level, feeling relieved to have made it, and we stop pushing for more. Reaching for the next goal can feel uncomfortable—like nothing is ever enough, or worse, that you’re not enough. But what if you celebrated each win, even the small ones? By doing so, you’ll create more opportunities to feel good about yourself, acknowledge your progress, and then stretch further. Now that I’ve set my new goal, I’m excited to receive the inspiration and guidance for the next steps along the way. `Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. `I don't much care where--' said Alice. `Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
 We often assume that others think and feel the same way we do, projecting our own qualities—both positive and negative—onto them. For empaths, this can be particularly risky, as it leaves them vulnerable to non-empathic individuals who may cause harm. Additionally, empaths might try to resolve conflicts using methods that work for them, which may not be effective with non-empaths.  Conflict between two empaths is inevitable—after all, we’re all imperfect humans. However, when both people involved are empathetic, they’ll approach resolution in a way that a non-empath might never consider, let alone be capable of. Conflict resolution might unfold like this: The hurt person expresses their feelings and seeks a resolution. The other party listens to their perspective and may share their own point of view. Through open dialogue, they work towards mutual understanding, eventually arriving at a resolution. This often involves an apology for hurt feelings and an agreement on how to prevent future conflict, whether through changed behavior, improved communication, or both. While this process can be challenging even between two empathetic individuals, it's nearly impossible when one person lacks empathy.  Empathy involves being attuned to and sharing another person's feelings, experiences, and emotions. For empaths, this comes so naturally that it's difficult for them to imagine life without it. However, some people simply lack this ability. Estimates suggest that anywhere from 5% to as many as 1 in 6 people in the world may have little to no empathy. So lack of empathy means being unaware of & unable to share another person's feelings, experiences & emotions. It stands to reason that conflict resolution is going to be very tricky with this kind of a person if it's possible at all. It's crucial for empaths to recognize signs of a lack of empathy in others and adjust their approach to conflict resolution accordingly. While you may initially try to resolve the issue in the usual way, even persisting despite the non-empath's resistance, there comes a point where you must accept that internal resolution is enough. Some conflicts simply can't be resolved with someone who lacks empathy, because the problem isn't yours to fix.  Resolution for the empath requires a different approach. It's about finding inner peace and reflection on the situation. This might involve accepting that boundaries weren’t set or enforced, forgiving yourself for not speaking up sooner, and understanding how you overlooked the other person’s lack of empathy. It could also mean examining why you may have chosen, or allowed yourself to be chosen by, someone like this and coming to terms with tolerating bad behavior in your life. For an empath, resolution involves deep self-awareness—recognizing how their own empathy may have compromised their well-being and learning how to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Instead of seeking forgiveness for the perpetrator, it's about accepting that forgiveness might not be healthy, because a healthy caution toward them is required, and forgiving oneself for any missteps. With this renewed understanding, the empath can develop a plan to identify harmful patterns earlier, ultimately reclaiming their power. This allows them to express their very valuable trait of empathy in a way that protects, rather than harms, their own well-being. Empathy for the self being included.  Self-esteem isn’t a simple on-or-off switch; it exists on a spectrum. Our position on that spectrum can shift based on our life experiences and the people we surround ourselves with. It’s easy to feel confident when things are going well, right? Similarly, being around positive people can boost our self-esteem. But for empaths, this can be a double-edged sword.  Empaths are driven by a deep desire to help others, to feel for them, and to make the world a better place. While this instinct to help brings us feelings of purpose, value, and worth, it goes beyond that—it’s an intrinsic part of who we are. Yet, this very nature can also work against us on a personal level. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with" This quote emphasizes the influence that your close relationships have on your behavior, mindset, and overall life. When empaths blur the lines between close relationships—those we aspire to be influenced by—and work relationships—those we aim to help—things can start to go awry. For an empath, it can feel natural to welcome those in need into their inner circle because they open their hearts to them. However, empaths often overlook the toll this takes on their own energy. In a way, it's an act of self-love, as we’re attempting to care for a version of ourselves that once struggled in similar ways.  As always, more self-love for our present selves is essential—self-love in the form of boundaries. There’s no issue with an empath helping others, as long as they don’t rely on these relationships as the source of their own well-being. It’s important not to seek fulfillment from the very relationships where we’re giving the most. I’ve found it helpful to compartmentalize my life into two distinct areas. One compartment is labeled “WORK,” where I channel my drive to help others—a core part of who I am, something I feel compelled to do. The other compartment is labeled “PERSONAL,” where I recognize my natural inclination to be drawn to those in need, but I understand that these relationships can drain me, leaving little room for me to receive. In this personal space, I choose relationships—whether friendships or romantic connections—with people who aren’t in the “WORK” box. These are the ones I can have fun with, who are my equals, and who add value to my life. I’ve found that with these relationships, there’s a better balance; I’m there for them, and they’re there for me. I don't always get it right, I'm still a work in progress too, but I know myself well enough to look out for my patterns that work against my own self esteem.
 Human beings are wired with outdated survival features: a nervous system perpetually on high alert for danger and a subconscious mind prone to worst-case scenarios. These traits were invaluable when avoiding poisonous mushrooms or escaping from predators, but they don’t quite fit our modern world where the real fear often revolves around a lack of resources. When stress, worry, and fear take over, they block our access to the energy, creativity, and solutions we need. This mental overload prevents us from tapping into our inner genius, stifling the ideas and motivation that drive us forward and help us thrive.  To break free from the cycle of endless stress that plagues us, often triggered by our external circumstances, we must learn to master our conscious minds. We need a method to shift our focus to something that unlocks our creativity and reveals the solutions we seek.  We could wait for the world to change, but here's the spoiler: it probably won’t, at least not quickly enough to transform your life experience. However, you can change how you experience it by altering your perspective and emotional state. This shift isn’t easy—it demands that you prioritize your wellbeing and choose to rise above your subconscious fears. It involves making decisions rooted in the belief that feeling better right now is essential, and from that place, you can open yourself up to abundance. It takes a commitment to deeper self-love to feel better in the present moment and a resolve to rise above your subconscious fears. This determination allows you to choose what you want to focus on, rather than being controlled by your subconscious fears.
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