Whether we are in a relationship and thinking about how we will honour and treat our loved one on Valentine's Day, or we are single and wishing to find that special someone to make our Valentine's Day special, February is a great month to focus on enriching our relationship journeys.
I want to share a little of my personal relationship journey to encourage you all!
I had a dreadful start in life, being beaten and molested by those men and boys in my life who I expected to love me. The consequences of that childhood were devastating across many areas of my life, but it set me off on a particularly interesting relationship path.
I chose controlling men, I chose men who I should have been scared of - believing the fear that I felt to be love, it was all that I knew. I chose rapists to date. I chose men who treated me badly. Looking back I can see that I was choosing my family members again and again hoping that this time they would love me instead of abusing me. Needless to say: it never worked.
The final time I was raped I knew deep inside that I needed to heal and release this, whatever it was that was causing this repeating pattern, because if I didn't and if I was raped again I knew that it would finish me. I was suicidal, especially when the rapist was deemed 'not guilty' by a court. Luckily because this time I went to court I had access to counselling and my counsellor saved my life.
She helped me to get my life back to normal, from a highly emotional suicidal state.
She taught me how to take control of my relationships.
She role played with me so that I not only knew but had practised how to deal with controlling and abusive men.
She stuck with me through my release and realising the family issues that were the cause of it.
She taught me how to have firm boundaries and how to respect myself.
While I went through this healing I had decided to give men a total break for 2 years while I changed my energy and attractor patterns.
When I felt ready for a relationship I attracted 2 young very open hearted men, one after another. They were more than 10 years my junior and both were passing through the area, so they were very short term relationships. It seemed to me that the Universe was showing me the kind of man I would have been dating in my earlier years had I had the energy and attractor pattern I had now. It was a delight to experience open hearted men and gave me great hope. for t
I believed that my soul mate was out there but that he wouldn't be where I was living, because of my negative experiences with men in the area that I lived in. I went away to Europe only to realise that I am happiest in Byron Bay, Australia. I love it here and if I love it here, my soul mate will love it here too.
I wrote a list of everything that I wanted in a partner, it was an extensive list and I returned here with an inner knowing that not only was he here, he was also ready for me.
Within 2 short months of returning here I needed somewhere new to live. I had 2 weeks to find somewhere new and I had forgotten at the time, but when I had returned I affirmed "My next move will be in with my soul mate!". I've always experienced magical miracles whenever there has been change in my life and so my attempts to look for a new house were far from conventional. I didn't look in the local paper, I didn't go to any real estate agents, I sat in a cafe in the middle of town and waited for my new place to come to me!
I noticed a man would always be in that same cafe, he intruiged me. I was attracted to him, but not in a lustful fear way, in a curious way. He would sit there and take out a pad from his bag and draw, or he would sit and read the paper. I was curious about him because, like me, he went there alone and was quite happy sitting there alone.
I started to go to the cafe just to see him, I'd forgotten that I needed a place to live, I just wanted him to ask me out! On my list of what I wanted in a man was that he is strong enough for me and therefore will pursue me and ask me out. So I went there each day and waited for it to happen.
One day I was so determined that it would happen, that I told the universe that I was going to sit there and not leave until he asked me out. It took many hours, but I persisted. I noticed that he had gone through about 6 coffees and was still there. He got up and my heart sank, I thought he was leaving, but he didn't leave, he came over and sat on the table next to me, asking me to watch his bag while he went for another coffee.
When he returned we started chatting. He asked what I was doing there and I told him I need somewhere new to live and was waiting for someone to turn up with the solution. He said that I could have his lounge if I needed it. He asked would I like to go to the cinema with him and I said yes. We went straight away and watched Run Fat Boy Run. We had a chat afterward and I learned that he was disabled, with only 1 leg. He asked would I like to go to dinner and I said yes, we swapped numbers and I went off on my bike to ride home.
I was so happy riding home, I was grinning and catching flies in my teeth. I was scared. I am such an active person, riding my bike all the time and the bike path home was particularly beautiful, I was sorry that I would not be able to share it with him. As I had that thought, wondering how I could share the things I loved with him when his disability would prevent it a miracle happened. The universe showed me how and it made me cry. 2 dogs were running toward me at full speed, when they got closer I saw that one of them only had 3 legs but was able to run alongside the other because he was leaning on the other. Together the dogs disability didn't hold him back. I'm crying now just thinking about it. It was the most beautiful sign I have ever been given.
We went out for dinner the following night and within a week we decided that even if I got another place to live I'd always be at his place or he at mine, so he asked me to move in with him.
Getting to know him more and more he was everything on that list that I had written and more, things that were perfect for me that I hadn't even thought of. We love the same things, we had loved the same things all of our lives, we had even bought exactly the same things years and years before we met.
The only thing that was on my list that he wasn't was "free in his work". I wanted to be with someone who had the time freedom and creative freedom that I had. He was working in a shop (he had had 2 weeks holiday in the week that I met him). So even though he wasn't free in his work, he also has an amazing gift, he's a brilliant cartoonist and writer - he just hadn't believed in himself enough, and believed that he could earn a wonderful living from it, until he met me.
So I let him lean on me while we both run full speed together in our businesses while we not only achieve our goals together, but create the life of our dreams together. We are more in love now than ever and have been together for 5 years.
I share this story because my relationship journey was and is a significant healing story. I was guided to teach others how to heal themselves and create their own soul mate relationship in the same way. I believe that everyone can have their soul mate, their perfect match. But I know from experience that it is only possible when you have healed the past and have let go of all relationship issues. It's for this reason, that I put together my Healing Path to Your Soul Mate program which is in The Be Healing Store. I will take you through the 10 steps that will take you, not only through the law of attraction part, but also the healing steps to being ready for your soul mate and bringing them in.
My tip for this week is to set the intention to be free of any negative attractor relationship patterns that you have going on, and to improve your relationships, because you are worth it!
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