I was 36, it had been 18 years since it had last happened, 22 years since it first happened. I thought I was done with that story long ago. I was living a synchronistic life, a business woman, things always worked out magically for me, then Bam! It happened again.
I felt broken, but not too broken to recover. This time. It couldn't happen again. I wouldn't survive it. I knew that deep in my heart. I knew that something had to change & I knew that something had to be me.
I had flown away from my abusive family, to live on the other side of the world. I had followed my spiritual calling. I was helping lots of people to heal. My heart was open. I was making a difference. I didn't know how I had manifested this again but I knew that I needed to find out so that I could release it.
I didn't tell anyone about the first rape, there was nobody safe to tell. I told a couple of close friends about my second rape, but I had been to visit a court just weeks before it happened & I had witnessed the victim being abused even more in the court room. I knew that I could never do anything about it without even more pain inflicted on myself. But this time it was different, I knew that I would kill myself if it happened again, this time it was a matter of survival. I needed to tell someone who could do something about it. I needed to do something about it.
I told the police. They had a counsellor contact me to help me through the next stages, it was the help that I needed all along.
I would not recommend anyone go through the court process, unfortunately, it still is a terrible ordeal where you are abused again, only this time in a room full of people who should know better. The system is loaded to protect the perpetrator & to belittle the victim.
But I would highly recommend the counselling because this is what I found: I had grown up in an abusive household of alcoholics. This made me accept abuse as normal. I had no capacity to discern a dangerous person from a safe person. I was open to anyone. I had no boundaries. Even the spiritual teachings I was following had me seeing the best in everyone & thinking that this would protect me. It didn't.
I was taught life skills by my counsellor, she taught me what is acceptable, what isn't, she taught me how to take control of ongoing abusive relationships, how to have boundaries to protect my feelings, to protect myself. We did role playing so that it became my new normal. I had to unlearn a lifetime of being taught to accept everyone & everything, but with the right support I did it.
The abusers that I had an ongoing relationship with were suddenly scared of my new empowered energy & they backed away out of my life, without even having to say the things that I had practised with my counsellor. It was working!
Next I had to change my story. My story was one of the victim overcoming, of the phoenix rising. My story was all about healing from the old story. Even my business was all about that too.
Yesterday my tattoo was finished, it's a phoenix. The time was right to have this reminder of the story that I have left behind. Because there has to be an end to it. There has to be a new story. A new story has to take its place for the healing to be completed. I am no longer living the story of the abused one who overcame, that story has ended now & they all lived happily ever after.
I am now starting to live the story of an empowered woman starting her new life at age 47, with big dreams, unlimited potential, with strong boundaries, knowing what she wants, unwilling to accept anything less from anyone, addiction-free, a life of excellence, of the best.
I know that the abuse won't happen again, because people have tried to abuse me recently & I have drawn up strong boundaries to them immediately.
I now recognise those who aren't loving themselves & so who are capable of abuse, it shows obviously in addictions. When people show me who they are I believe them instantly now, I set my boundaries because I know that I deserve the best.
I know that rape won't happen again because I am strong & no longer open to being abused. I know that I am free of this story now because I can deal with everyone random situation life throws at me with strength & empowerment.
There are a few common tales being lived:
The victim's tale is a terrible story, it's hard, it's depressing, it's not inspiring, it's like a bottomless pit.
The medical drama tale is similar to the victims story, it's just a more specific tale of woe.
The hero's tale is an interesting story, it's one that many choose, it's dramatic, but the adversity is hard to take & you have a lot of healing to do from it. Although the healing leads to rewards which are great, there has to be an end to this story.
The happily ever after tale is a different story, it's a new one, it is no longer about overcoming adversity, it is about a whole new creation. It's unique to you & what you want to experience.
What would you like to come after the hero's tale?
You are the writer & the director of your life. You can continue telling the old story or you can write a new one & choose who you want to play the parts in that new story.
What story have you been living?
What story would you like to live now?
Share your old & your new story in the comments below
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