I woke up shaken and emotional this morning from a distressing dream. The dream had so much significance to it and that significance was made quite obvious.
I won't go into the details of the dream because other people were involved, but the message was that a part of me as a child was missing because of growing up with abuse and that the part of me that is missing needs to come out and be treated like a child, needs to be brought up again.
The part of me that is missing, and this is very common for victims of childhood abuse, is my ability to trust people and to receive from people.
This revelation is not new to me, I have been working on this part of myself for some time, but the message was clear - this is not about working on myself, it's about bringing that part of me up all over again, like nurturing a child.
So my research took me in the direction of finding out how we can restore the trust of an abused child. It's time to parent that part of myself that is missing.
Although children's original impression of the world as scary and dangerous can never be fully erased, expectations can be hugely improved by being placed with the right family. In 2 to 3 years a certain level of trust of adults can be regained.
I have ejected all of the people in my life that I can't and shouldn't trust, this is a great start. I am now surrounded by only those who I can trust and who support me. Now to let that support in.
I have decided to keep a receiving gratitude journal: noting everything that I receive with gratitude, to show myself that it is safe for me to receive from others. I hope that this will nurture that scared little girl and coax her out of the cupboard to be fully loved.
An interesting thing happened as soon as I decided to keep this journal this morning.
I went to the post office to post some crystal kits to a customer, and as I got out of my car there was 10 cents on the floor at my feet. In the post office they put my parcel through as a letter, which saved me a dollar or so. I got a call from the owner of our house saying that he is coming around to fix all the things that aren't working today.
In a matter of minutes I was already receiving more from others than usual.
So my tip this week is to keep a receiving gratitude journal:
1. Get a small notebook or use an app like Evernote on your phone.
2. Write everything that you receive down in it, from smiles, to money, to discounts, to gifts,.. write it all down and write thank you for each.
3. Comment below on the changes you notice in your life.
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