The majority of the population of the planet learned from society not to value themselves. That's a big statement but one I firmly believe.
Only we can change this within ourselves which in turn will change society because we are society.
So how can we learn to value ourselves?
Firstly by understanding why we aren't valuing ourselves.
I see two scenarios in myself and in customers:
1. Negative self-talk.
Here's an example. My partner, Jarrod, is a genius. He writes and illustrates children's books. His work is amazing. Yet Jarrod doesn't feel that it's enough, that he's enough. He thinks that he needs to work a job to get an income, he thinks he needs to become a master marketer in order for his genius work to actually pay him, he thinks that his work is not enough, he thinks that he is not enough.
He didn't have self-value modelled to him and therefore hasn't valued himself, which is a great shame for the world, because his work is genius.
Here's an example. I didn't have self-value modelled to me as a child. I learned from family, school, society that I needed to prove myself, especially as a woman, I needed to do more than boys to prove myself. I needed to win the competition. So I pushed myself. I did all the things that boys did but better. I set goals and achieved them.
But here's the thing: you can never win when you compete. You can be the best but this leads to disconnection with others, the 'I beat you' thing. However, we all want connection and winning isn't sustainable.
I realised last week that I have been putting other people's financial situation above my own. Here is an scenario that frustrates me: Someone comes to me for help and says that they can't afford it, I help them anyway (after all I'm so blessed, I'm better than them, I have more than them, I have this gift, they need it, they deserve it more than me) for free or very cheaply. Then I see that they go on holiday - something that I haven't allowed myself due to not having the finances to do it. It frustrates me, not because I don't think they deserve it, the opposite, I know they deserve it and I wish I'd let myself have it, too.
Can you see the problem here? Me. How I value myself.
Competition leads to a feeling of being better than others, having more than others, having to give yourself away because you are more blessed than others. Yet it's not true. We all have our blessings. We all deserve those blessings.
I learned this lesson when I did volunteer work in Africa. I felt that I was more blessed than them and so I went to help them out. I came back feeling arrogant, our lifestyle wasn't better than theirs at all, in fact there were many things that they had much better than us. They taught me more than I helped them.
My positive self-talk and goal achieving has left me feeling that I owe everyone else and therefore I haven't truly valued myself.
I know that my work is amazing, I only need to look at the lives that have been transformed from disempowered to magical and fulfilling to know that my work is amazing. I only need to look at my customers at the start of a breakthrough session when they are emotional, feeling bad, to them at the end of the session, happy, smiling, shining and excited. Yet I have been undermining myself by putting everyone else first, helping people for free or very cheaply, thinking that their need is greater than mine.
Thank you to everyone who got my discounted readings in the last 2 weeks. I needed to feel that again. I appreciate your participation. I've been selling myself short. I've been in the bargain bin.
Now I need to value myself, my time, my energy, my skills, my knowledge, my holidays, my car, my being,...
Which way do you not value yourself?
Negative self-talk or competition?
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