Exactly 1 week later I received the guidance that our relationship was over. Specifically that there was no more growth for either of us available in this relationship.
I went into shock.
I asked for confirmation. I did 1001 readings on it. It was confirmed over & over again. It was true.
Jarrod taught me the art of emotional communication for which I will be eternally grateful. I summoned up all of my courage & I told him the guidance I was given.
For the next 2 days we were both in denial. Jarrod seemed to forget what I had said. I wanted to ignore it & carry on in our wonderful lives together.
I knew we needed to talk about it again so I summoned up all of my courage & we talked & we cried together. Jarrod said he had had the feeling 6 months ago that he was holding me back now & we needed to part ways, but he didn't trust that guidance. I had had no idea.
The grief that lasted 2 days was centred around our attachment to each other. Our shared dreams that would be lost, Our mutual emotional support of each other. Our inspiration for each other.
We realised that none of this would be lost. We would still be each others emotional support. We would still inspire each other. We would still achieve our dreams, only not together.
We realised that we weren't losing our love for each other, but we were just transitioning the relationship into friendship. That eased our hearts.
As I slowly detached from this relationship (we agreed to take it slow & as easy as possible for each other) I felt my self love rising up. I had gone into this relationship believing that Jarrod was my forever soul mate & I am glad that I did that. Because of that belief I put my whole heart & soul into the relationship & I would not change a thing, not in this relationship or my next.
We are loving each other & letting each other go. It's actually much easier than holding onto a relationship until it turns to shit & then dumping it all & disconnecting completely. I know. That's what I used to do. That's what most people do.
But you don't need to wait until relationships turn to shit. You don't need to wait until you hate them. You can act on the first inkling or guidance that it's over & you can let go. You do not need to justify the release to anyone else but each other, and 2 self aware people in a relationship will both know the truth in it.
As I detached I realised just how much of myself I was putting aside in order to put our relationship first.
It was time to reconnect to me. It was time to love all of myself including those parts I had placed on the shelf for this relationship. My heart expanded. I feel better about myself than I ever have. I am owning & loving every part of me without shame, guilt or apology.
I am *so* grateful for the past 6 years together. They have truly been the best years of my life. I am excited that this ending means that there are even better times on the way.
I realised that I have always been masculine in every relationship I ever had. I was taught that I had to be masculine to achieve anything good in this world as a child, so I became masculine like almost every other woman on this planet today. Many of you will know that it has been my focus since my mid 20's to find out what it is to be feminine, empowered feminine. There were no examples not in history nor around me. I looked far & wide. I only found women being masculine to achieve empowerment. So this journey needed to come from within me (as so many do).
I have spent the last 2 years focused on changing my business so that I can be feminine in it & I have achieved that. Now it's time to do the same thing within my relationships.
I connected in with what I really want from a relationship next, in order for me to grow.
This is what I want & what I have never yet experienced:
A man who is like me in many ways. He's creative, he's successful, he's accomplished, he's a leader in his field, he is abundant, he cares about the world, he wants to change the world for the better in a big way, he looks after himself, he exercises, he eats nutritious food, he has passion, he has drive, he has motivation, he takes the lead, he is not afraid to show the world who he is & to go for whatever he wants.
A man who is my compliment. He's masculine, he is probably frustrated at being with masculine women & has decided he wants an empowered woman who inspires him but who can also be feminine & let him take the lead, he wants to be the protector & giver, he wants to be appreciated for every part of him & what he has accomplished. He wants a woman who will love him, guide him & be offer him the feminine support so that he can stand in his masculine power & focus on what he wants to accomplish. A man who will stretch me into learning how to receive & be taken care of.
I see this dynamic very clearly & the kind of man that my soul mate is.
& I'm ready, every single part of me is ready. I'm excited for my next life unfoldment. I'm a bit scared as to how receiving from a man will make me feel (vulnerable) but I want to feel that & work through it.
This morning after my workout, swim & meditation, I had a song in my head "The Power of Love" specifically this part of it:
'Cause I am your lady and you are my man
Whenever you reach for me, I'll do all that I can
We're heading for something
Somewhere I've never been, sometimes I am frightened
But I'm ready to learn 'bout the power of love.
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