I'm talking about trying to unconditionally love turning into unwanted & even painful experiences.
Unconditional love isn't ...
... being a doormat
... people pleasing
... putting other people's feelings/desires/needs first
... being loving to people who aren't being loving
All of the above behaviour is pandering to other people's egos. It's trying to please the un-alignment in others. It's trading your self-love for their ego. It's not really loving them at all & it definitely isn't loving you.
In an ideal world we would all love everyone else unconditionally. But this can only be done when you love yourself unconditionally first - show me one person on this planet who can do this!
Conditionally love your way to self love
So when you think "This person loves me so I should love them" & you feel bad, because you don't actually like them & they hurt you & your heart is telling you that it doesn't love them. Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead.
When you think "I'm going to love this (unlovable) person until I get back the love that I want" & you feel bad, you never feel enough, you don't receive the love back from them & your heart is telling you to walk away. Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead.
When you think "If I give this person what they want, if I focus on their needs & meet them, they will be happy & then someone will make me happy too" & you feel bad, you feel resentful, you feel unappreciated, you feel empty, you feel like nobody is giving you what you need & your heart says stop. Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead.
When you think "If I love this person enough they will heal/stop their abusive behaviour/change" & you feel bad, you get hurt, you get abused, you get blamed & your heart says run a mile! Listen to your hearts truth. Love yourself instead.
Unconditional love is ...
... loving despite conditions
... not trying to change anyone so that you can feel better
... being discerning
... loving their essence, not their ego
It's hard enough to learn how to do this for ourselves, never mind to do it for someone else. So this is why trying to unconditionally love before you unconditionally love yourself backfires, it's actually all ego based, not heart based at all. To be heart based requires you to learn to listen to your heart & love yourself first.
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