This weekend I had the biggest breakthrough of my life!
If you have been following me for some time now you will know that I have been trying to understand receiving. In particular, I have been trying to understand why I can't allow myself to receive.
A series of fortunate events laid out by my ever loving higher self & spiritual team led me to this breakthrough of a lifetime.
Not only did I understand why I don't allow myself to receive but I learned why I have the caretaker role. Not only did I understand why some people or points of view trigger me into emotional reaction, but I also realised how to change it. What's more: it wasn't anything to do with my self-worth nor my work.
I learned that in my 20's I copied my fathers paradigm around money (aggressive & controlling) & I disgusted myself by doing that. So I made a change, and followed my mothers paradigm around money instead (victim & justifying by giving). Because what I do and my patterns look absolutely nothing like what my mother patterns look like on the surface, I thought I was nothing like either of them. But I was following her paradigm after all.
When I was a child I learned that asking for what I needed or wanted, whether it was love, nurturing, money, anything at all, resulted in violence and abuse. I learned to protect myself by never asking for anything, not allowing myself to receive & giving so much that I could justify the little that I received, hoping that this would protect me from the abuse. This made sense as a child: it protected me. It no longer makes any sense.
I learned that I also took on a new paradigm from wounded spiritual people, I made them my new family & so took on their dysfunctional paradigms too. Spiritual people who are scared of money & power because they have similar dysfunctional roles from their parents. So I have been scared of speaking out about my true needs, desires & massive life purpose goals, for fear of being judged by these wounded spiritual people.
I learned exactly why I had taken on the caretaker role & why it had absolutely nothing to do with my self-worth or lack thereof, and absolutely everything to do with protecting myself. Only this role no longer makes any sense, I don't need to protect myself any more, nor do I need to be scared of customers abusing me if I receive anything from them for my work.
I am now free to decide how I want life to be, what I want to receive, what I want to do and my emotional protection limitations have been lifted.
Since this breakthrough was so powerful for me I decided to take my partner Jarrod through the same process to see if it liberated him in the same way, this is what happened:
Jarrod is an extremely talented artist, he knows his work is amazing but he doesn't receive any money for it. He has tried to make a business of his passion, but it never brings any money in. He also has fantastic people skills, he is an excellent manager of people, he knows this, what's more he has been reading all about Richard Branson and he realises that his people skills are up there with this billionaires. Yet Jarrod is in a job that pays him minimum wage. Employers tell him that he's overqualified yet he cannot ask for a pay increase. He has applied for higher paid jobs, knowing that he could provide great value in the job, but he gets turned down every time. He feels stuck. He doesn't understand why what he wants to do with his life isn't working for him, because what he wants to do will change the world for the better.
I took Jarrod through the breakthrough process and through a series of guided processes here is what he found out:
In his desperate attempt to not be like his father (controlling & judgmental around money) he took on the paradigm of his mother (victim & childish around money) - even though he thought that he wasn't being like either parents, even though he had made the conscious decision not to be like either, he was actually living the same paradigm as his mother, even though it had a different facade on it, even though it seemed he was doing something different, the same issue was underneath.
He learned as a child that asking for the money that he needed or wanted led to not only a decline, but hurtful emotional consequences. He had felt worthless, hurt, angry, terrible about himself whenever he asked for anything from his father. He learned to protect himself by not asking for anything. He is still doing this even though it no longer makes any sense to. He accepts the minimum wage so that he is protected from the emotions that hurt him so much. He won't even allow anyone to give him any more money for fear of the emotional repercussions of asking.
He learned that even though he disagreed with his father's disempowering opinion of him, he was complying with that opinion 100% and had been every single day of his life. Even though he thought he wasn't. Even though he thought he was doing something different to avoid it, he was actually complying with the paradigm he had been given 100%
Knowing all of this was like a veil being lifted for him. Not only could he see clearly what he was doing and why, but he understands that the way he was trying to protect himself makes no sense anymore, it did when he was a child, but it doesn't now. Now he can make the decision of how he wants to be, of what he wants to do, knowing that he can receive exactly what he wants for it.
This morning we went for a walk by the beach with a new found lightness of spirit, suddenly it feels like the world is our oyster & we can finally not only make the huge differences that we vision for the world, but we can also receive exactly what we want to whilst doing it.
Watch out world, you're going to be blown away by what we are going to deliver!
Are you fulfilling a dysfunctional role without realising it?
Maybe you realise it but you're lost as to what you can do to heal it and change it?
Check out A Course in Receiving here
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